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@nostrildamus said in Happiness Scale:
It still amazes me people who divorce saying they have no feelings either way for the other person, spending the next few years dreaming up all sorts of stupid shit they say is to get even but really just creates pain for everyone else including themselves. I'd say I'd go into a divorce openly, fairly, and honestly but I bet everyone says that.
The most acrimonious divorce I've heard of was the parents of a girl I went to school with. It dragged on needlessly and once the final judgement was delivered that everything had to be split 50:50, the father took a chainsaw and cut everything in half.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for sharing. Everyone struggles with 'happy' and how to to get there.
I'd recommend taking a listen to 'the happiness lab' (https://www.happinesslab.fm/). Series of podcasts by Dr Laurie Santos from Yale, talking about why people don't feel content or happy. Lots to unpick, but really interesting and challenges ideas and perceptions.
One of the key takeouts I had was that happiness isn't a place you can go and build a house; you' can't live there. What you can do is recognise when you are happy, and make sure your brain recognises it -- and there are things you can do to increase the number and duration of trips to 'happiness'.
That said, christ there's some struggle mentally. I keep saying to people I know that there's no success without sacrifice, and the older I get the more I believe it to be true. Success takes a toll - it's almost always tied to responsibility, and having to deal with stress in an ongoing and challenging way. Personally, while the last few years for me have been very successful professionally and financially, it's taken a massive toll on my mental health and having to adjust to the stress. Shit's hard y'all.
Don't underestimate burnout either. I saw three elements of burnout being
- exhaustion,
- cynicism (less identification with the job),
- feelings of reduced professional ability
All of these can drag you to a place you don't want to go to.
So, all of that, and things I've done that help: turn off email outside work hours, be less available, try to live in the moment, avoid social media like the plague (except the Fern), and allow yourself to feel less than 'ok'. Open up to people if you can -- it really does help.
Kia kaha everyone
I love my job and they look after me.....but I’m fucken shattered and I need a break. Holidays are so important for the soul, I can’t wait to lie on a hammock and do nothing for a few days
Boxing day we jump in the car and drive to.the Gold Coast. House on the beach for 10 days. I am going to do 3/5 of fuck all
Lucky bastard!!!
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@antipodean nice to be reminded of that from time to time mate
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for sharing. Everyone struggles with 'happy' and how to to get there.
I'd recommend taking a listen to 'the happiness lab' (https://www.happinesslab.fm/). Series of podcasts by Dr Laurie Santos from Yale, talking about why people don't feel content or happy. Lots to unpick, but really interesting and challenges ideas and perceptions.
One of the key takeouts I had was that happiness isn't a place you can go and build a house; you' can't live there. What you can do is recognise when you are happy, and make sure your brain recognises it -- and there are things you can do to increase the number and duration of trips to 'happiness'.
That said, christ there's some struggle mentally. I keep saying to people I know that there's no success without sacrifice, and the older I get the more I believe it to be true. Success takes a toll - it's almost always tied to responsibility, and having to deal with stress in an ongoing and challenging way. Personally, while the last few years for me have been very successful professionally and financially, it's taken a massive toll on my mental health and having to adjust to the stress. Shit's hard y'all.
Don't underestimate burnout either. I saw three elements of burnout being
- exhaustion,
- cynicism (less identification with the job),
- feelings of reduced professional ability
All of these can drag you to a place you don't want to go to.
So, all of that, and things I've done that help: turn off email outside work hours, be less available, try to live in the moment, avoid social media like the plague (except the Fern), and allow yourself to feel less than 'ok'. Open up to people if you can -- it really does help.
Kia kaha everyone
I love my job and they look after me.....but I’m fucken shattered and I need a break. Holidays are so important for the soul, I can’t wait to lie on a hammock and do nothing for a few days
Boxing day we jump in the car and drive to.the Gold Coast. House on the beach for 10 days. I am going to do 3/5 of fuck all
Lucky bastard!!!
Take solace in the fact it will take 3 days to drive down there.
Going to give the new Ranger a full airing out
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for sharing. Everyone struggles with 'happy' and how to to get there.
I'd recommend taking a listen to 'the happiness lab' (https://www.happinesslab.fm/). Series of podcasts by Dr Laurie Santos from Yale, talking about why people don't feel content or happy. Lots to unpick, but really interesting and challenges ideas and perceptions.
One of the key takeouts I had was that happiness isn't a place you can go and build a house; you' can't live there. What you can do is recognise when you are happy, and make sure your brain recognises it -- and there are things you can do to increase the number and duration of trips to 'happiness'.
That said, christ there's some struggle mentally. I keep saying to people I know that there's no success without sacrifice, and the older I get the more I believe it to be true. Success takes a toll - it's almost always tied to responsibility, and having to deal with stress in an ongoing and challenging way. Personally, while the last few years for me have been very successful professionally and financially, it's taken a massive toll on my mental health and having to adjust to the stress. Shit's hard y'all.
Don't underestimate burnout either. I saw three elements of burnout being
- exhaustion,
- cynicism (less identification with the job),
- feelings of reduced professional ability
All of these can drag you to a place you don't want to go to.
So, all of that, and things I've done that help: turn off email outside work hours, be less available, try to live in the moment, avoid social media like the plague (except the Fern), and allow yourself to feel less than 'ok'. Open up to people if you can -- it really does help.
Kia kaha everyone
I love my job and they look after me.....but I’m fucken shattered and I need a break. Holidays are so important for the soul, I can’t wait to lie on a hammock and do nothing for a few days
Boxing day we jump in the car and drive to.the Gold Coast. House on the beach for 10 days. I am going to do 3/5 of fuck all
Lucky bastard!!!
Take solace in the fact it will take 3 days to drive down there.
Going to give the new Ranger a full airing out
Fuck that!! I'm flying that!!
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My sister's family are in Melbourne and isolated from the olds and us back here in NZ. It is amazing to reflect on the life we used to lead, you could fly to Oz at the drop of a hat and fly back within a day if you really wanted. Certainly long weekends and short holidays were easy, my folks could fly over and babysit then come back. Now they might as well be on the other side of the world. I hope we will be open for a family reunion on the GC or SC in July 2021, but I'm not holding my breath
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@NTA thought mine would be the same, but have moved about a bit more than I thought in the last few weeks (south to Warkworth, north to Kaeo and Kerikeri and south to Mangawhai) way more active, although mostly work related (work golf days are still work right?)
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@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
@nostrildamus said in Happiness Scale:
It still amazes me people who divorce saying they have no feelings either way for the other person, spending the next few years dreaming up all sorts of stupid shit they say is to get even but really just creates pain for everyone else including themselves. I'd say I'd go into a divorce openly, fairly, and honestly but I bet everyone says that.
The most acrimonious divorce I've heard of was the parents of a girl I went to school with. It dragged on needlessly and once the final judgement was delivered that everything had to be split 50:50, the father took a chainsaw and cut everything in half.
What a dropkick. Did he cut himself in half too ?
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@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
@nostrildamus said in Happiness Scale:
It still amazes me people who divorce saying they have no feelings either way for the other person, spending the next few years dreaming up all sorts of stupid shit they say is to get even but really just creates pain for everyone else including themselves. I'd say I'd go into a divorce openly, fairly, and honestly but I bet everyone says that.
The most acrimonious divorce I've heard of was the parents of a girl I went to school with. It dragged on needlessly and once the final judgement was delivered that everything had to be split 50:50, the father took a chainsaw and cut everything in half.
What a dropkick. Did he cut himself in half too ?
I don't condone that shit - it's petty and stupid. That said, one of my 'go to' phrases is 'you can't rationalise an emotional reaction'. Dude clearly had emotion response he was working through. It's just that no one wins.
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Great thread this one.
I’ve always been of the belief that if there is something you’re unhappy about or something you want to change then you should do something about it. Don’t die wondering. Stop complaining and do something about it. The sad problem is that there are sometimes factors completely outside your control.
I met the woman who would become my wife when she was a student in Aus and moved to her home country of Norway. It was awesome at first but I became utterly miserable with my life there as the years went on. I hated the cold, hated the dark and started irrationally hating the entire country and culture. I knew I had to get out of there and was all set to leave , but then my father in law got a brain tumour. Move delayed by 3 years. Then we finally moved to Aus. Worked like a maniac to make everyone happy. Was going well, everyone getting adjusted, wife making friends, gets to travel home to Norway with kids regularly, work awesome and talking about a move to the Sunshine Coast. Then she gets breast cancer. 4 years of hell follow with me not daring to even think worst case or talk to her about it. Then worst case happens and it destroyed me. Telling my sons that mamma was not going to get better was absolutely soul destroying. Those poor boys.
So I was at the location I wanted to be, but I’d lost my soulmate and was a widower and single dad and provider at the age of 38. In that situation you can talk to people or whatever but it doesn’t change anything. It won’t bring anyone back and it won’t make a tragic situation any less tragic. The sadness can be triggered by so many things and thankfully I had my boys there with me. They helped me more than I helped them.
So I focussed on the things I could influence. Exercise and eating right made me happy so I did that and did it properly. It helped me get through some very hard days.
Things gradually got better and my eldest pushed me into online dating. Could write a book about all that but I found an amazing new partner who complements my life and lifestyle perfectly. She and her daughter have moved in and we’ve since also made some wonderful new friends in the local community.
So I was bouncing back really well but unfortunately my eldest son went completely off the rails at the end of last year. He had been doing really well. Won a swimming scholarship to a top school, was very popular and had girls throwing themselves at him. But he suddenly got in with a bad crowd, started with drugs and went completely off the rails. Nobody knows exactly why he’s acting like this. Presumably his mother dying is a huge factor, but he refuses to talk to anyone and has thrown his lot in with the absolute dregs of society. He refused to go to school and was then expelled from the shitty school he insisted on going to. Now he’s living with some friends in a flat somewhere, refusing to find another school and doing God knows what. While I think he should come out of this ok in the end, I’m scared shitless that something will happen to him. It’s so hard because whenever I start feeling good about life, the reminder of his situation hits me like a train. If that ain’t enough, my younger brother has apparently disappeared. Tbh I have zero time for him but my parents are obviously beside themselves and I hate to see them so worried and stressed.
Sorry for the ramble and perhaps way too much info, but again the point I’m making is that sometimes total happiness is completely outside your control. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do everything you can to change or improve the things you can influence. I’m the fittest and healthiest I ever been in my life. I give everything to my relationship and my other son and new step daughter. I’m not happy with work so am looking to make changes when Covid is over. I won’t be fully happy until my son comes back to me, but until then I’ll do the best that I can to get the most out of life. What more can you do?
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@Rancid-Schnitzel Thanks for sharing, you have an amazing outlook considering what you have been through, credit to you and I hope your son grows out of what he is going through. I was similar in that I went off the rails, smoked a lot of drugs and moved out of home at 16. It took an unpleasant experience on some drugs with me hallucinating about my mother watching over me which got me to move home and start again. Met my wife at 17 and never looked back.
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@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel Thanks for sharing, you have an amazing outlook considering what you have been through, credit to you and I hope your son grows out of what he is going through. I was similar in that I went off the rails, smoked a lot of drugs and moved out of home at 16. It took an unpleasant experience on some drugs with me hallucinating about my mother watching over me which got me to move home and start again. Met my wife at 17 and never looked back.
Absolutely. I think @Rancid-Schnitzel has more reason than any of us to gripe about life but the outlook is amazingly positive and inspirational all things considered.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for sharing. Everyone struggles with 'happy' and how to to get there.
I'd recommend taking a listen to 'the happiness lab' (https://www.happinesslab.fm/). Series of podcasts by Dr Laurie Santos from Yale, talking about why people don't feel content or happy. Lots to unpick, but really interesting and challenges ideas and perceptions.
One of the key takeouts I had was that happiness isn't a place you can go and build a house; you' can't live there. What you can do is recognise when you are happy, and make sure your brain recognises it -- and there are things you can do to increase the number and duration of trips to 'happiness'.
That said, christ there's some struggle mentally. I keep saying to people I know that there's no success without sacrifice, and the older I get the more I believe it to be true. Success takes a toll - it's almost always tied to responsibility, and having to deal with stress in an ongoing and challenging way. Personally, while the last few years for me have been very successful professionally and financially, it's taken a massive toll on my mental health and having to adjust to the stress. Shit's hard y'all.
Don't underestimate burnout either. I saw three elements of burnout being
- exhaustion,
- cynicism (less identification with the job),
- feelings of reduced professional ability
All of these can drag you to a place you don't want to go to.
So, all of that, and things I've done that help: turn off email outside work hours, be less available, try to live in the moment, avoid social media like the plague (except the Fern), and allow yourself to feel less than 'ok'. Open up to people if you can -- it really does help.
Kia kaha everyone
I love my job and they look after me.....but I’m fucken shattered and I need a break. Holidays are so important for the soul, I can’t wait to lie on a hammock and do nothing for a few days
Boxing day we jump in the car and drive to.the Gold Coast. House on the beach for 10 days. I am going to do 3/5 of fuck all
Heading South to the cooler climes?
Looks like we'll miss out in having that beer then huh?
BTW, out of interest how many stops you planning?
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Good thread.
I have a great life. My wife is beautiful, kindhearted and good fun. My wife and I both have great jobs with a decent amount of flexibility, intellectual challenge and very good remuneration. We have a great apartment and I have a nice car. We never want for anything and eat out at nice places regularly. COVID-permitting, we can travel anywhere we want and stay pretty much wherever we want when we get there. We live near the beach in a part of the world where the sun shines all year round. We pay fuck all in taxes. I play golf every weekend with a great group of mates.
If you'd asked me 5 years ago what my perfect life would like, that's pretty much it.
But, to be honest, I'm feeling dissatisfied, restless, irritable and a little helpless. Wife and I are and have been for the past 2 year trying to start a family with very little success. The clock is ticking for her and so we have gone the IVF route, which has taken a real physical toll on her and even more of an emotional toll on us both. We've basically got one more roll of the dice before we give up and live our lives as a childless couple, the hardest part of which is watching my wife come to terms with losing a large part of her "purpose" in life. It's difficult for us both right now to see our many blessings, because the truth is we'd give up almost all of them just to have our own little family.
Still working out what this all actually means in terms of my overall happiness, but a few thoughts include (a) that happiness is a completely relative concept, (b) I may have been wrong about at truly makes me happy, and (c) your own happiness can be massively influenced by the happiness (or otherwise) of others.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
@MN5 said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for sharing. Everyone struggles with 'happy' and how to to get there.
I'd recommend taking a listen to 'the happiness lab' (https://www.happinesslab.fm/). Series of podcasts by Dr Laurie Santos from Yale, talking about why people don't feel content or happy. Lots to unpick, but really interesting and challenges ideas and perceptions.
One of the key takeouts I had was that happiness isn't a place you can go and build a house; you' can't live there. What you can do is recognise when you are happy, and make sure your brain recognises it -- and there are things you can do to increase the number and duration of trips to 'happiness'.
That said, christ there's some struggle mentally. I keep saying to people I know that there's no success without sacrifice, and the older I get the more I believe it to be true. Success takes a toll - it's almost always tied to responsibility, and having to deal with stress in an ongoing and challenging way. Personally, while the last few years for me have been very successful professionally and financially, it's taken a massive toll on my mental health and having to adjust to the stress. Shit's hard y'all.
Don't underestimate burnout either. I saw three elements of burnout being
- exhaustion,
- cynicism (less identification with the job),
- feelings of reduced professional ability
All of these can drag you to a place you don't want to go to.
So, all of that, and things I've done that help: turn off email outside work hours, be less available, try to live in the moment, avoid social media like the plague (except the Fern), and allow yourself to feel less than 'ok'. Open up to people if you can -- it really does help.
Kia kaha everyone
I love my job and they look after me.....but I’m fucken shattered and I need a break. Holidays are so important for the soul, I can’t wait to lie on a hammock and do nothing for a few days
Boxing day we jump in the car and drive to.the Gold Coast. House on the beach for 10 days. I am going to do 3/5 of fuck all
Lucky bastard!!!
Take solace in the fact it will take 3 days to drive down there.
Going to give the new Ranger a full airing out
Ah. Booboo'ed myself.
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@junior Thanks for sharing, sorry to hear what you are going through. You raise a good point that a lot of the time we have no idea what makes us happy, I think marketing has done an excellent job convincing us that wealth, cars, houses and stuff will make us happy.
Through my own personal experience, relationships, human connection, purpose, and creativity leads to contentment.
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@chimoaus said in Happiness Scale:
@junior Thanks for sharing, sorry to hear what you are going through. You raise a good point that a lot of the time we have no idea what makes us happy, I think marketing has done an excellent job convincing us that wealth, cars, houses and stuff will make us happy.
Through my own personal experience, relationships, human connection, purpose, and creativity leads to contentment.
No problem - good to get it off my chest.
Then again, I read something like what @Rancid-Schnitzel has been through and I really think I need to pull head out of my arse.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel Thank you, I think, for sharing. That is a tough read and made me think about the things that really impact upon my personal happiness and it is mainly my children. Both have grown into good people. Eldest did go off the rails for a couple of years, bad company (boyfriend in this case. Known by me as the ginger fluffybunny), this lead to drugs, depression and flunking school. She’s through all that thank God but I still worry about her, probably over so. You’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.
Happiness Scale
