Big fellas doing just fine. Great to see.

While it's a tradition to be positive and full of Christmas cheer around this time, not to mention cherish those we love, I think we need to follow the actions of our self-proclaimed betters and engage in some serious navel-gazing and self flagellation.

It is clear that this website lacks diversity. And that is problematic. There is only one poster who identifies as a woman and while being bisexual is a plus, she isn't a POC and most posters here are straight (white - problematic) males anyway. Clearly the poster who identifies as Mariner4life is a homosexual, but there are no others who will dare to come out on this site. There are certainly no trans people and that is a tragedy. There is an oriental tooth doctor and a goat fucker, but they don't compensate for the overwhelming whiteness that pervades here. That is problematic and I would hope that the mods (mostly straight white males - also very problematic) fix this problem in 2019.

Nah fuck that.

This site is great. For me it's like Cheers: "Where everybody knows your name and you're always glad you came". You can act like a fool and speak utter crap and all is forgiven next time you rock up. I've had a very tough couple of years and unfortunately I sometimes let that out here and I apologise for that, but mostly I just love coming here every day and reading some very informed (and not so informed) views about rugby, other sports, movies, TV, fitness, movies and politics etc. The advice and kind words I've received here have helped me massively (even the dp discussion). It's a cracking site with a cracking group of people and I wish you all the merriest of Christmases and happiest of New Years and I thank you once again for putting up with yet another year of my shit!

God Jul alle sammen.

Great thread this one.

I’ve always been of the belief that if there is something you’re unhappy about or something you want to change then you should do something about it. Don’t die wondering. Stop complaining and do something about it. The sad problem is that there are sometimes factors completely outside your control.

I met the woman who would become my wife when she was a student in Aus and moved to her home country of Norway. It was awesome at first but I became utterly miserable with my life there as the years went on. I hated the cold, hated the dark and started irrationally hating the entire country and culture. I knew I had to get out of there and was all set to leave , but then my father in law got a brain tumour. Move delayed by 3 years. Then we finally moved to Aus. Worked like a maniac to make everyone happy. Was going well, everyone getting adjusted, wife making friends, gets to travel home to Norway with kids regularly, work awesome and talking about a move to the Sunshine Coast. Then she gets breast cancer. 4 years of hell follow with me not daring to even think worst case or talk to her about it. Then worst case happens and it destroyed me. Telling my sons that mamma was not going to get better was absolutely soul destroying. Those poor boys.

So I was at the location I wanted to be, but I’d lost my soulmate and was a widower and single dad and provider at the age of 38. In that situation you can talk to people or whatever but it doesn’t change anything. It won’t bring anyone back and it won’t make a tragic situation any less tragic. The sadness can be triggered by so many things and thankfully I had my boys there with me. They helped me more than I helped them.

So I focussed on the things I could influence. Exercise and eating right made me happy so I did that and did it properly. It helped me get through some very hard days.

Things gradually got better and my eldest pushed me into online dating. Could write a book about all that but I found an amazing new partner who complements my life and lifestyle perfectly. She and her daughter have moved in and we’ve since also made some wonderful new friends in the local community.

So I was bouncing back really well but unfortunately my eldest son went completely off the rails at the end of last year. He had been doing really well. Won a swimming scholarship to a top school, was very popular and had girls throwing themselves at him. But he suddenly got in with a bad crowd, started with drugs and went completely off the rails. Nobody knows exactly why he’s acting like this. Presumably his mother dying is a huge factor, but he refuses to talk to anyone and has thrown his lot in with the absolute dregs of society. He refused to go to school and was then expelled from the shitty school he insisted on going to. Now he’s living with some friends in a flat somewhere, refusing to find another school and doing God knows what. While I think he should come out of this ok in the end, I’m scared shitless that something will happen to him. It’s so hard because whenever I start feeling good about life, the reminder of his situation hits me like a train. If that ain’t enough, my younger brother has apparently disappeared. Tbh I have zero time for him but my parents are obviously beside themselves and I hate to see them so worried and stressed.

Sorry for the ramble and perhaps way too much info, but again the point I’m making is that sometimes total happiness is completely outside your control. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do everything you can to change or improve the things you can influence. I’m the fittest and healthiest I ever been in my life. I give everything to my relationship and my other son and new step daughter. I’m not happy with work so am looking to make changes when Covid is over. I won’t be fully happy until my son comes back to me, but until then I’ll do the best that I can to get the most out of life. What more can you do?

@virgil said in Convicts v Marxist Land Thieves - Crucket:

Smart move by Warner to face the media for the first time with his wife and girls
Hard to kick him further when he’s holding one of his little girls.

I hate him even more for that. He's effectively using them as a shield. Cowardly tosser.

Had to chuckle that we were criticising the Boks for their bomb tactics but that was literally all we were doing for most of the first half.

Absolutely clueless shit. No depth, no structure. Been the same for a few years now. Guess what? It doesn't work.

Let's keep this civil. As much as I love a good circle jerk, these threads are much better with the Lions fans involved. Don't want them to leave before the tests.

The only consolation is that Akira has been selected. Unfortunately he'll probably be subbed after 20min when Scott Barrett gets sent off.

Game was a bit ordinary. Looked like it was going to be 30 nil at half-time, but the yellow card (what the hell was that for?) changed things and then of course the ref kept blowing for tries and then changing his mind. They have to fix this shit. The entire crowd, Reds fans included, went apeshit when he annulled that TJP try. Ultimately people want to be entertained not witness that kind of bullshit. That was goddam farcical.

Anyway result was great and the Canes are a seriously impressive team. J Savea is an utter beast. I won't hear any criticism of the non-fat version. He was Lomu-like tonight. His brother was bloody awesome as well. 8 suits him to the ground. Hope his injury isn't anything serious. Barretts were of course ridiculous. What an incredible double-team. Fark we Canes fans are lucky right now. And I agree with above rating of Proctor. He was all class.

But, while the game was pretty shit, it was a magical evening for a little kid who desperately wanted a selfie with Beauden. I speak not of myself (even though I would very much like one), but my 8 year old son who refused to leave after the game. We were going to wait for TJP who was closest, but we saw BB further away and my son ran in that direction. He managed to sneak forward as only kids can and his day was made.

Seriously what a champion. He gave everything during the game (that dude seriously covers some distance during the course of a game), then immediately had to give interviews. But he then went straight to the crowd and was giving dozens of selfies. He was still doing it when we left, so God knows how long he was out there. A great player and true gentleman. Never thought my man crush could get stronger but it certainly did tonight!

@tim said in All Blacks vs Springboks II:

Havili/ALB midfield lacks a ball carrier. We really could do with a physical 12.

Havili is simply not a top class 12. He's done ok but he's not a long-term solution.

@kruse said in Happiness Scale:

@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:

@nta said in Happiness Scale:

@rancid-schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:

What would it honestly cost her just to give you 2 minutes (if that) of her time a couple of times a week?

Woah easy there - don't think I could suddenly go to having sex 4 times a week...

And that’s where men enter the retarded stakes. Start complaining about too much sex.

Not intended to be a humblebrag, but it's gonna look like one...
I'm pretty sure the end of my last relationship started with her going down on me unexpectedly, and me kinda saying something like “WTF, give a man some warning”. I mean, her suckling on a shrivelled up cheerio, wasn't really a turn-on.
That devolved into some stupid argument, during which I came to the realisation “I just don't like you”, so that was that.

Of course - looking back... young, hot, nympho, single-child of very wealthy parents, and somehow into me despite me being well gone to seed.
Seems a silly decision, but... she simply wasn't a person I wanted to spend time with, other than the 30-seconds a day before sleepy times.
So, sex life back to Atacama Desert level drought.

If you wanted her to stop all you had to do was marry her.

8 days! Slack. But I suppose more of the same although I fell off the wagon on Thursday and ate like a maniac. When I'm in that zone then it's incredible how much I can put away. I think its because I'm doing even more cardio helping my son with delivering pamphlets. Due to school commitments I had to do most of it myself. So I guess a day with bootcamp, pamphlet route and swimming demands more fuel. Definitely have to get chatting to a dietician rather than talking about it. I'm probably going to try the GC half-marathon (Saturday) and marathon (Sunday) next year so will need some proper advice.

Going to also get one of those body scan things during the holidays. Should be interesting.

@mn5 said in Movie review thread...:

@booboo said in Movie review thread...:

The Little Things

Shit weather so movie weekend.

Denzel and Rami Malek.

The latter didn't really fit.

Long and a little bit over blown.

And half way through they throw in Jared Leto as the baddie. But is he? Well he is the baddie bit is he the baddie we think he is?

Densely is Denzel.

Rami is hopeless.

Leto is good.

Have seen worse movies, but was not easy to follow.

OK in the end.

3 (barely) red barettes out of five bitch why the fuck are you letting him force you to dig holes, you fucking dickhead?

Great review. Denzil is always good and Leto was weirdly effective but agree about Malik. Not a fan of his, he was such a “meh” baddie in Bond as well.

Yeah, he seems like one of those actors who was astonishing in a specific role but doesn't really fit anywhere else.

Adrian Brody may be another example of this, but tbh it was ridiculous that he won an Oscar for the Pianist.

@chimoaus said in Pleasure and Pain Balance:

@rancid-schnitzel 100% agree, I think working towards any tough goal that takes effort and is challenging always feels good when you reach it.

There is a real paradox that we have a mental health crisis when we have the highest standard of living ever. It kind of makes sense in this pleasure/pain paradigm as we have literally removed every possible obstacle in our way to make things as easy and pleasurable as possible.

It is no wonder many people are miserable as we are all in dopamine deficits just by the way we have engineered our lives.

I believe lots of exercise and having a creative outlet to challenge ourselves is key to achieving a more balanced life.

Yeah, I've never really thought about why affluence and fewer problems have resulted in a mental health crisis, but that makes perfect sense. It's really ironic that by making things easier and more comfortable for our kids, we're actually screwing them up in many ways.

@chimoaus said in Pleasure and Pain Balance:

I recently listened to a wonderful podcast about addiction, pleasure, and pain. The crux of it was that pleasure and pain (not necessarily physical) are found in the same part of the brain and they have to be equal or in homeostasis.

If you experience pleasure you have to experience some sort of pain/low to get back into balance. The more pleasure you seek/experience the bigger the downs, cravings, and feelings of depression etc.

The trouble is we are in a time of abundance and many of us are addicted to some sort of pleasure giving activity. If we get too much pleasure, we start to lose the ability to find joy in other things.

It is all related to dopamine which the brain releases as a reward to get you to do the activity again. But if we get too much dopamine, we go into a dopamine deficit to get us back to homeostasis.

Think about when you see a trigger for your addiction, you get a spike of dopamine in anticipation of the reward immediately followed by a deficit which is the craving, you feel slightly agitated until you get the thing and get your dopamine hit.

And this is the trouble with addiction, we end up in a really big dopamine deficit and as soon as we stop doing our addiction, we feel bloody terrible.

The upside is abstaining from pleasure/addiction will eventually reset your balance and allow you to find pleasure elsewhere.

Basically, we should purposely be doing things that are difficult such as exercise, working out problems, walking and just spending time off our pleasure giving devices as this puts us into the negative and we have to feel good to get us back to balance. Thoughts?

This is the podcast I listened too, found it very interesting.

admin  /  Aug 23  /  Podcast

Are We All Addicts? Anna Lembke, MD On Our Dopamine Nation

Rich Roll sits down with psychiatrist & Stanford professor Dr. Anna Lembke to discuss the neuroscience of modern addiction, dopamine fasting, & more.

This is 100% why I'm now addicted to exercise. I've unfortunately faced some really bad times and trauma and know all about lows. Easy highs are drugs and alcohol of course but the comedowns are terrible. Just look at a great night on the piss. It's always followed by a wasted day of being hungover and recovering. Exercise to me is nothing but a net positive. Despite all the shit, I feel like a new person after I've exercised. Swimming in particular is like night and day.

I guess the whole point is that you experience pain and struggle getting to that high, rather than getting it for "free" and thus the balance has already been achieved?

I assume that also applies to acquiring things, like working hard to pay for something yourself rather than being gifted it for nothing.

5th Element. Pearler of a film.

@sparky said in Uncool music you like:

@mn5 said in Uncool music you like:

Always a big fan of George, fantastic voice.

Definitely better than those other gays Freddy Mercury and Elton John

In his prime, George Michael was the new Elvis. A staggering talent. RIP.

Was at the supermarket the other day and Faith came on over the loudspeaker. Couldn't help but sing along and embarrass the kids. What a great song.

@tim said in Movie review thread...:

Going through this list:

Film list: Erotic Thrillers Forever

80s - present. Mostly DTV with some major studio content in the mix. All are firmly rooted in the thriller genre, no horror or action leaning titles. Lots of "naked", "passion", "sins", "heat", etc.

How do you watch these? 90s erotic films are the bomb.

Is Kenny Loggins uncool? The farking King of film soundtracks:

@mariner4life said in Uncool music you like:

Are Hughie Lewis & The News Applicable?

Because Hughie Lewis & The News are Awesome

But Hughie Lewis & The News are uncool as all hell

I mean, "Hip to Be Square" FFS

You're alright you know that ❤
Farking love these guys. I'd record Back to the Future on video just to hear Power of Love.

More camp than a row of tents but I can't help but like it