Often with such complicated issues it is good to break them down into a more understandable format. So here we have Brexit - the omelette problem.

LEAVER: I want an omelette.

REMAINER: Right. It’s just we haven’t got any eggs.

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

REMAINER: They’re in the cake.

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

REMAINER: But we voted in 1974 to put them into a cake.

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

REMAINER: Icing is good.

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I don’t like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

LEAVER: Right, where’s my omelette?

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

EU: It’s our cake.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Don’t you know how to get them out?

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

REMAINER: But how?! Didn’t you give this any thought?

LEAVER: Saboteur! You’re talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so there’s no reason why we can’t make them now.

THERESA MAY: It’s OK, I can do it.

REMAINER: How?

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

REMAINER: Yeah, but…

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we don’t have any cake? I didn’t say I didn’t want the cake, just the bits I don’t like.

EU: It’s our cake.

REMAINER: But you can’t take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. It’s just that they’re horrible.

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

LEAVER: It’s not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

THERESA MAY: By the way, I’ve started the clock on this.

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

EU: It’s our cake.

LEAVER: Where’s my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what we’re doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

REMAINER: Fine, I’m moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

LEAVER: You can’t. We’ve taken your freedom of movement.

@Siam said in All Blacks v BI Lions Test #3:

World rugby's biggest game advertisement in the fallow years between world cups and is influenced by an insecure refereeing system but the gin swillers will be reminding themselves "controversy lasts far longer in the advertiser's eye than a pure spectacle, and think of the clicks we'll get!"

Even the perpetrator knew he was offside playing at the ball!

Still our beloved team only really have themselves to blame

Taking nothing away from the Lions who will take more pride than us over the drawn series.

It was a great series and none of us predicted it thus.

one question though:

Did it feel lucky to draw that?

honest question from an unquestionably biased kiwi

edit: The question was aimed at Lions supporters (lest I lose my arrogance)

Honest answer? Yeah we were lucky in the end. Lucky on a couple of counts, firstly in that for much of the match we were outplayed and only some uncharacteristic balls ups from NZ kept us in the game. Later on we got nearer to parity and if you're there or thereabouts with 10 minutes to go you have to feel that you have a chance of nicking the game. So lucky but dissatisfied. Secondly the non penalty. I did think is was sort of accidental at least instinctive rather than deliberate, but to me it was definitely a penalty. Whether or not Barret would have slotted the kick is another matter and if he hadn't then you lot would just have had something else to make you spew

We rode our luck over two tests and overall the better team did not win, but that's the beauty of sport. Winning great but you watch because of the uncertainty.

Gatland's legacy will go down as a two-time undefeated Lions head coach (a fact he has reminded us of a couple of times already) but in truth this time round he was very lucky. There was no cunning master plan to out-coach NZ. Fair play to him in Australia four years ago, he got that last game spot on though.

I have to say, I find the piling on to Sam Cane a bit distasteful. He’s been a great servant to NZ rugby and has bided his time behind McCaw for many years, maybe his best years. He’s in a shithouse place now and not in great form but also part at a dysfunctional back row.

May not be justifying his captaincy or place atm but does not warrant some of the shit you guys are piling on himself .

@victor-meldrew said in F off with the damn PC Brigade:

Midget Gems renamed after disability campaigner claims word is 'hate speech' to people with dwarfism

Jan 11

Midget Gems renamed after claims name is hateful towards people with dwarfism

M&S rebrands sweets as Mini Gems, but campaigner claims more companies need to follow suit to abolish ‘deeply insulting’ word

Why would anyone complain about that. What about being the bigger person?

@jegga said in Add Fidel to the 2016 body count:

FFS, how is Yoko Ono is still alive?

A macrobiotic diet. She lives off dead beetles.

Nice quote from David Warner following Faf Du Plessis ball tampering of a couple of years back.

"We hold our heads high and I'd be very disappointed if one of our team members did that.

"The rules are in place for a reason. If you're not going to use them why bother having them?

"If you're going to overstep the mark, be prepared to get fined and miss Test matches."

Well, I watched the game at home and was amazed at the England performance. I thought we had a chance but... Even though we were pretty dominant more or less throughout the game and it was ours to lose almost, there was always in the back of my mind that you just cannot trust a Kiwi to know when to say enough is enough. Having said that I felt reasonably comfortable with four minutes to go and two scores needed but even then... hmmm.

I didn't watch it at the pub as a 9.00 am kick off would have meant ruining the rest of the day but at around 11.40 I got a call from a mate. "I'm down at the Royal Oak and I need someone to talk rugby to. I can't go home and talk to her". So the rest of the day has been washout really. No complaints though.

Thanks to all who have posted congratulations and compliments on our performance. That takes a bit of doing, especially after the success you've had.

No where's that bottle of red?

@mariner4life said in Coronavirus - Media Discussion:

I'm fucking done with listening to the opinions of people who have heard or read the same as me

Well your time on the Fern had to end one day.

@JC said in The hot takes and unpopular opinions:

@scribe I would give that two upvotes if I could. Jazz. Niiice.

You misspelled Jaaaazz.

@Frank said in The hot takes and unpopular opinions:

Robin Williams was never that funny. (1 in 10 jokes landed)

Nick Cave is pretentious as fuck.

Friends was weak American comedy, still is American comedy, and will always be weak American comedy.

John Cleese has not even been mildly funny since A Fish Called Wanda.

British gameshows with comedians on them generally add up to way less than the sum of their parts.

A great resurrection to the thread and not at all unpopular in the male side of the Cato household.

@MiketheSnow said in Movie review thread...:

@Tim said in Movie review thread...:

@MiketheSnow Should be Dan Stevens!

Having watched, and thoroughly enjoyed, The Suspect I'd like to see Aidan 'Poldark' Turner as Bond.

He's got the acting chops and charisma in spades

Aidan Turner - IMDb

Aidan Turner, Actor: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Aidan Turner was born in Dublin, Ireland in 1983. After graduating from the Gaiety School of Acting in 2004, Aidan appeared in a number of stage productions, many with Ireland's national theatre, The Abbey. Such productions included The...

He’s far too short. Have you seen him in The Hobbit?

@sparky said in NH club rugby:

Worcester and Wasps owe huge sums in unpaid tax. Neither club is going to survive.

It looks grim but if the clubs go to the wall, creditors are unlikely to get too many pennies in the pound. Don’t underestimate the ability for a deal to be made.

My guess (based on fuck all apart from a hunch and a dose of cynicism) is that Wasps will survive and they will let perennial relegation candidates Worcester go to the wall.

@antipodean

Any distinguishing marks?

@voodoo said in Movie review thread...:

You guys have no heart. Jake Sully is the best

@Tim

You see? You see?

@Tim

Maaate. Have you forgotten all the fapping about the groundbreaking SFX and how amazing it was at the beginning? There may have been a degree of revisionism since but nowhere near enough for my liking. I will only be convinced otherwise if I now see a slew* of bad reviews here immediately.

*I am the sole arbiter of what constitutes a slew.

@Nepia

I know it’s heresy to diss Avatar on the Fern but I’m no great fan. Great visuals as you say but a plot lifted from countless other tired old films.

All sizzle and no steak is my view.

@canefan

The 159 saved Alfa really. As always beautiful to look at but the 159 actually worked too. I had one for three years with no problems.

@MajorRage

Every man should own an Alfa at some point in time.