G'day all, thought I would kick start a support group for anyone who is struggling or needs some support. My reason for starting this is my partner of 25 years has a degenerative condition that has worsened over time and is now so bad she is bed bound in the lounge room and I care for her. Can't say I ever thought I would see my wife in a wheelchair and needing me to help clean her etc.

I know many of you have lost partners, parents etc and I am curious how you kept your mental health healthy when watching a loved one's health fail.

The biggest thing we miss is the ability to do things like travel, bushwalking etc. It is only when your body fails that you realise how important moments and experiences are. Material things, money etc are not important when you can't do anything. For those with a healthy partner make sure you give them a big hug and surprise them with a trip somewhere.

@Kiwiwomble Thanks mate, I appreciate the concern, we both watched the rugby together and it was a real highlight seeing her get excited by the boys performance It's a bit like groundhog day to be honest, good days with bad and just focusing on the good. We are in a bit of a holding pattern at present and I'm just focusing on doing what I can with work and caring etc. Cheers.

Having experienced more than enough suicides in my life I really do feel for the family. Those in grief can't help but feel guilty and you always wonder if you could have done something earlier to prevent it.

Mental health is a disease that is only really starting to get the recognition it deserves, and one could argue a lack of media in the past is one of the reasons we have been so slow to act.

I did 10 years in the Cops and never once spoke to a mental health professional, even after my boss hung himself and I was on duty when it happened. I was always surprised I had to be tested each year to carry a firearm yet no checks were done on my mental health to use the thing.

All I can hope are cases like this are used in a way to encourage those with the illness to reach out for help.

Great thread, all humans have a unique individual story, and it is important to listen and hear others.

I have a long story, but the short version is 10 years in the Cops, left 2 years ago, moved to the country, suffer from PTSD and anxiety, became unemployed, struggled with loss of identity and connections from the Police. I quickly found myself in a pretty dark hole, nothing seemed to matter, I had lost all sense of purpose, nothing excited me, and I was at the lowest point I had been in my life.

I sat with my thoughts wondering how it came to this, as a teenager I took any job, did anything, spoke to anyone and was full of life without a care in the world. Fast forward 25 years and I was a grown man awake in the middle of the night wondering why my brain was torturing me. I read plenty of self-help books, reached out for help but nothing really worked.

Thankfully, over time things have gotten a lot better. If I reflect on what is different, the main thing is I found something to do, I was lucky to get part time work I enjoy. I had always enjoyed photography and decided to pursue that even more regardless if it made me any money. Once I became busy, started helping others and felt like I was contributing the chatter in the head faded, time has healed my wounds regarding the Police, and I can say I am excited about what is ahead.

It appears for me the medicine is being busy, focused and having a feeling of purpose. I truly hope everyone who is struggling can get the help they need, and I wish you all the best going forward.

This must be how Wallaby supporters feel.

I have very fond memories of staying at my grandparents house when the All Blacks were playing in the UK. I would sleep on the couch in the lounge, my grandmother would set an alarm, get up, wake me up, put on the TV and then pretend to be interested in the Rugby. She is long dead now but credit to her for letting a young bloke watch his idols in the middle of the night.

I was in the Police for many years. I remember one bloke, heavy meth user, broke into 30+ houses, in and out of Jail. He got out and disappeared off our radar, I thought he must have moved or died.

About 6 months later I run into him at the Supermarket. He has work boots, pants etc on and looked completely different. He spotted me and I made small talk with him. I Said "haven't seen you around" He said, "I'm too bloody tired after work to break into houses."

So after hours upon hours chasing him, going to court, years in jail. All he needed was a job.

I honestly believe the key to reducing offending is education, employment, strong family and social connections.

All the dependent drug users I engaged with couldn't have cared less about its legality. That made no difference whatsoever.

I am all for legalisation, if you want to reduce the harms of drugs you need to give people a reason not to become dependent on them in the first place. Plenty of people use alcohol responsibly and cannabis would be no different.

@Steven-Harris said in SF Blues v Brumbies:

@chimoaus i looks pretty daming , yes there may have been other calls that could have gone either way during the game , but you know what a team has time rectify any wrong doings ..but that call could have changed everything ..will take the win as a Blues supporter , but i will say i would have had no issues if the call had gone the other way ..

Every incorrect/marginal call has a sliding doors moment that could heavily impact the outcome. If White was carded for cynical play on the ground or the Brumbies try was disallowed it would have had an impact. The call was 50/50 and the Blues got the rub of the green. If the Brumbies had held onto the ball instead of going for the drop goal they may have got a penalty and won.

Sport will always have these moments and good teams take it out of the hand of the ref and focus on their roles and what they can do next.

So true it's scary.

@Godder said in Happiness Scale:

My personal rules for maintaining some semblance of happiness:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff
2. Don't worry about the stuff you can't control
3. You don't have to keep up with the Joneses
4. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
   5. Masturbate as required.

@Nepia said in Springboks v All Blacks I:

@nzzp said in Springboks v All Blacks I:

@ACT-Crusader said in Springboks v All Blacks I:

Rucks need to be hit, proper kicking and passing still needs to be made, scrums need to be won - yes in the last 20 too.

Our ruck work is inaccurate, and our decision making is poor. Early in the second half, our cleaners were away from the ball - so Kitshoff just wandered in and contested it, and won a turnover. It's jut basic rugby; the Bokke were protecting their ball brilliantly

That said, I thought the ref was a bit random and all over the place. All Blacks got frustrated with some of the rulings - but struggled to adapt.

Maybe they'd given up by then as they knew that Gus would award a penalty to Marx even if he was lying on his back 50 metres away from the ruck.

Its all about pictures for the ref isn't it, it all happens so quick, and Marx presents a pretty easy picture for the ref. A good captain would have a word with the Ref and say they are not giving us a clear release making it hard. Or the 6 was laying all over the ball. I think a good captain needs to read the game and get in the ear of the ref early.

@Old-Samurai-Jack said in Springboks v All Blacks I:

@chimoaus You mean play test rugby.

Kind of should be NZR mission statement really.

Our complete lack of ability to dominate field position is a real worry. With BB we rarely if ever exit to halfway, often just outside our 22. We rarely kick it out in their 22. If you watch Ireland, they are almost methodical in the way they exit and pretty much reach halfway every time.

I think Warren Gatland said the biggest battle is the battle for halfway, win that and use territory and aggressive defence to build pressure and cause your opponent to make a mistake or get penalised.

We got 1 penalty goal vs Ireland in 3 games, just 1 which is crazy and shows just how disciplined they were and how we struggled to dominate them in their half.

We really just need to get back to basics and try nothing fancy until we earn the right.

@Crucial It appears to me we need to keep the ball in play for longer periods which is easier said than done when you are going backwards and giving up the ball to Marx. You need very good structure and go forward to hold onto the pill for long periods. We did try a few times to recycle but one off runners got pounded and we went backwards. We need a coach that can emphasise our strengths which Foster clearly cannot do.

@taniwharugby They need to update that with another LOSE.

@taniwharugby said in Foster must go / Assistant Coach changes:

@Winger again?

Maybe referring to buying out Mooar was it? NZR paid $400K for Mooar to be released from Scarlets I think. That clearly was not money well spent lol.

@Winger said in Foster must go / Assistant Coach changes:

@taniwharugby said in Foster must go / Assistant Coach changes:

@chimoaus probably cost them >$6m to get rid of Foz and then buy O'Gara out of his contract

Foster has until 2023 RWC I think. So surely not a huge amount for him. Maybe for Foster and his assistants (Plumtree etc) and buying out O'Gara. But would O'Gara shift now he's a successful head coach? And would the NZRU be keen on doing this again especially with a foreign coach

O'Gara seems to have a tight relationship with Robertson but yes you would think long term he would want to be an international head coach.

@Tim said in Springboks v All Blacks I:

De Groot was busy, but his carrying wasn't effective.

He would have scored quite a few points in a diving competition that amount of rotations he was getting.

Who would Robertson choose do you think? Robertson, O'Gara, Ryan and Schmidt would have a well rounded mix to it. Plenty of international experience plus the local knowledge.

@Tim said in Springboks v All Blacks I:

17:40 - Marx puts his hands straight on the deck but gets a penalty. PSdT never releases the carrier, and rolls him on the deck. Despite some go forward (Savea, Ioane, ST) in the phases, we look too easy to pick off.

We had good ball and it goes to a static Ta'avao at 2nd receiver. Just way too easy.

There were a number of no clear release, but I guess a good coach will expect these tactics and coach accordingly, we cannot rely on perfect referee performances every game. After Marx first one the leaders should recognise the ref is not going to penalise this behaviour and therefore start doing it ourselves and make extra sure the ball carrier is not isolated etc.