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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
people who put the jam above the cream are an abomination in the eyes of the lord, and should be driven from the face of the earth with fire and fury
Eh? WeirdoSorry misread that. Carry on.
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@dogmeat said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
That, coupled with my irrational but deep hatred of January and February
There is nothing irrational about hating the depths of winter. I'm the same with July / August here. I don't mind the cold it's the sunlight deprivation. I did 13 winters i n Europe. I don't think I could now. It's why travel is so important. When the days start drawing in I usually console myself that in a few weeks I will be in some shithole of a bar in the mid 30's and 95% humidity. My sort of place
It's the build up to and Christmas & New Year which is great here (log fires, cold mornings, family etc) but when that ends it's "Well, what now?"
It normally lasts about week before I start doing stuff and get myself into a better place, but this year it's as though I can't be arsed. It's not helped by PF in my foot which is taking an age to shift.
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@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
people who put the jam above the cream are an abomination in the eyes of the lord, and should be driven from the face of the earth with fire and fury
Eh? WeirdoSorry misread that. Carry on.
No, you’re right. That is weird.
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@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
fuck holidays are important. Pretty sure in this very thread you will find a post from me in June last year about how calm and centered i felt after a week in the outback. fast forward to December and i had lost my fucking mind
Once again a couple of weeks unplugged and i feel fucking great.
We've optimistically booked Fiji for April with the kids. Barossa in June sans kids. Nothing too outrageous, both hopefully doable.
We found a part of Hobart both Mrs Mariner and i would have loooved to live. We had consumed a pint or 3 each, so we looked for jobs (well, hers is easy) and found a house. Kids weren't so keen. And when i sobered up i remembered winter in Wellington... but the serious part was i said we needed to be open to opportunity. if something comes up, we can't be afraid to give it a lash.
Easier said than done obviously, but...
God, the height of summer (2019) and Hobart was too cold for me. Loved Tassie. Starting to plan another trip. But couldn't live there.
Hahaha. After two days in the Tamar Valley sightseeing, eating great food and drinking some fantastic wines in magnificent weather I said to Mrs Antipodean it was a place I could stay. Then day three's weather rolled in. No thanks.
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@bayimports said in Happiness Scale:
I hate this thread, well thats a lie, I find it therapeutic, I think I just find it difficult to process some of the shit that others go through and appear to be so resilient about it and then when reflecting on my wife and I and how we should be doing better.
January on a whole is a tough month mentally for her and she hates her job, but she likes the income and proximty to home, she would leave but has anxiety about finding another job. Its also the anniversary of my wifes Mothers death today which is another trigger of my wife's depression and also she is currently injured, so she cant exercise either so it gets worse.
So things not so great right now at home
Cant say I always like what I do either and I have terrible hours, probably need a long break (which would help both of us) and a change, but I like the money.
Some inspiring words in this thread, although putting it into practice isnt always so easy
...hoping to be more positive next time
Listening & reading to what people have gone thru can be both inspiring and humbling but I think there's a small danger it can make the listener/reader feel inadequate when we all have our own way of dealing with life .
At the end of the day, there's no right way or wrong way of dealing with problems - just getting thru them is success. My oldest friend has had an unbelievable amount of shit thrown at her by life, but her response when people are astonished by her resilience is to say: "I'm only trying to hack my way thru life like anyone else". Wise words.
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@junior said in Happiness Scale:
Good thread.
I have a great life. My wife is beautiful, kindhearted and good fun. My wife and I both have great jobs with a decent amount of flexibility, intellectual challenge and very good remuneration. We have a great apartment and I have a nice car. We never want for anything and eat out at nice places regularly. COVID-permitting, we can travel anywhere we want and stay pretty much wherever we want when we get there. We live near the beach in a part of the world where the sun shines all year round. We pay fuck all in taxes. I play golf every weekend with a great group of mates.
If you'd asked me 5 years ago what my perfect life would like, that's pretty much it.
But, to be honest, I'm feeling dissatisfied, restless, irritable and a little helpless. Wife and I are and have been for the past 2 year trying to start a family with very little success. The clock is ticking for her and so we have gone the IVF route, which has taken a real physical toll on her and even more of an emotional toll on us both. We've basically got one more roll of the dice before we give up and live our lives as a childless couple, the hardest part of which is watching my wife come to terms with losing a large part of her "purpose" in life. It's difficult for us both right now to see our many blessings, because the truth is we'd give up almost all of them just to have our own little family.
Still working out what this all actually means in terms of my overall happiness, but a few thoughts include (a) that happiness is a completely relative concept, (b) I may have been wrong about at truly makes me happy, and (c) your own happiness can be massively influenced by the happiness (or otherwise) of others.
With the thread having back to life, it's prompted a lot of reflection and a decision to re-read my first post to see what's changed and to see if I feel any different.
In my life, nothing really has changed. I still have the objectively charmed life described above (slightly more money on account of a mid-year salary increase). But, if I'm honest, I am even more miserable now than I was then.
Our last round(s) of IVF were unfortunately unsuccessful. This did not come as a great surprise - in fact, we had both resigned ourselves to this being inevitable, while at the same time being committed not to give up so long as we had the physical, financial and emotional ability to continue on the off-chance that we would be lucky enough to be blessed with a child (something we both really wanted).
The whole process was really such an emotionally draining experience - building up the determination and optimism to continue despite previous failure and the odds stacked against us, only to fail again - that I completely detached myself from the experience as a coping mechanism. As a result, I am completely lost as to the timelines, what happened when, what the outcome was on each occasion, the discussions had with and advice received from doctors etc.
Anyway, I think it must be about 6ish months since we stopped. Since then, we've both put the blinkers on and buried our heads in the sand. I think we are both still processing the whole awful experience, the outcome and what this means for the future. We therefore don't really discuss this together, and I don't know if we are even ready individually or as a couple to do so. I don't think I am. My wife may be, as demonstrated by her opening up to certain people over drinks at her work Xmas party while completely writing herself off (something which upset me quite a lot, given that the people concerned were not friends and have big mouths).
We had previously discussed what our "Plan C" might be for having kids in the inevitable case that IVF didn't work - we don't anymore. I don't think we currently have the energy or inclination to go through the ball ache of, for example, adoption or egg donation or even to talk about it. I don't think I even want kids anymore - probably more of a "if I can't have them, I don't want them" reaction in reality. Still, seeing friends pregnant or with young children makes me feel sick. Being around friends and their kids - particularly very young ones - is galling. Half the conversations they want to have is either about or hi-jacked by their kids.
The last 12 months at work have been tough. It's provided a convenient pretext to avoid thinking or talking about the personal things that need processing. But it's also considerably added to the malaise, as I've basically missed out on Xmas and New Years due to being so busy since at least October. Added to that is the fact that we couldn't travel either to her home or mine for Xmas because of work, which has made matters worse.
We have some light at the end of the tunnel, with a chance of a decent break in February. But all I want to do is go home and see my friends and family, which seems unlikely to happen. At the very least the chances of it getting canned at the last minute due to border closures seems high. Best case scenario it is going to be a logistical nightmare and cost a fuck ton of money.
You tell yourself that the reason you work hard is to have a nice life and build something for your future and your family. Well, if your future doesn't involve kids, what is the point of working your c#nt off now? I can still have the life I currently live by working about 75% as hard as I currently do.
If you can't use the rare times you get a break from work to travel and visit your friends and family, again what is the point of working your c#nt off in those other times? I would have much more free time and flexibility to take holidays at more convenient times by working about 75% as hard as I currently do.
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@junior I've been there mate. Probably a decade ago now - same, the time is blur I can't be arsed to accurately remember.
I ain't got no magic words.
God, your middle paragraphs were almost an exact replica of ours. Being invited to friend's kids birthdays was as appealing as triple root canal performed by Helen keller, sans anaesthetic. They stopped asking.
I'm currently holed up in quarantine in Bangkok. Packed in a job that supported us adequately 2 weeks ago. 14 months ago I sent the wife here ( from oz) so she could bond with our 7 year old and 1 year old nephews. They call her Nana and me Grandad (it feels somewhat fake, but hell they don't seem to mind). At that time the world seemed to be coming right but, well, it didn't.
Now I've got no concrete plans, limited finances and a flittering between excitement of seeing everyone again and a dread of " what the fuck are you doing?".
The point is that I'm finding solace in giving my all to the wife and any leftovers to the young (poor, working class, bless 'em) nephew's family. Then a promise to be there for mum and dad when they need us - like all good Asians do. I'm good with that plan.
Mostly I wanted to tell you to force yourself to talk it all over with your magnificent, strong woman. It'll take many different talks at many different times. It'll cost tears and is fraught with the possibility that you'll both hear the wrong things. It frightened the shit out of me that she might want to shed everything (me) as a means to reset her life. It's a big gulp before you embark on the most honest conversations you'll ever have.
But it has to be done, mate.
I'm giving good odds that you'll wind up closer than ever with a clarity that, as a couple, the world can get fucked as long as you guys are together and nothing, absolutely nothing can wound you more than that thing 6 months ago.
I remember thinking that and it's true. Nothing in life cuts like watching your beloved wife go childless.
So, enough grim stuff from me. Get real tight with Mrs Junior. Pick your times to open up to each other, (many times, but not all times) and traverse life together, hand in hand safe in the knowledge that nothing can breach the armour and scars that life has covered you in.
Do things for yourselves - that's what me and Mrs Siam talked about (remotely) just today in fact. Ours will also start with a holiday in feb!
Treat your wife like you're courting again. Make her laugh, keep her protected and loved and the two of you can make your way again. It'll work mate and surprising and good things will emerge from the fog. You're a good man who has stared at the abyss and come out the other side. You've got choices - choices are the secret to life.
Fuck this thread has been awesome lately - makes me ashamed of lashing out over the last year...nearly😉
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@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
Oh and when you’re down in Devon be sure to catch up with @Victor-Meldrew he”s not far away 😁
Yeah, but only if he knows how to put the jam on his scones.
If that's not a Cornish euphemism it should be.
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@kiwiwomble said in Happiness Scale:
Tas
Tassie is easier to isolate
I lived in Hobart some decades ago. If you are on on the water, the wind can rip right through you. Knowing people is key there as they don't seem to give jobs or interesting info to outsiders, but my impression is out of date, Hobart has metamorphisized in the last 10 or so years (MONA, the yachts I guess, food tourism).
Apart from it being the second oldest capital city and fantastic for history buffs (the "ideal" prison and mental asylum at Port Arthur) and bush walks and some rather fantastic outdoor spots, it can be lonely.
And rather like NZ in the 1950s (so, Hamilton, if we are being cruel). I don't know about the rugby scene but the cricket ground was rather nice.But how easy is it to fly in and out, with all these COVID scares?
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@nostrildamus said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
Oh and when you’re down in Devon be sure to catch up with @Victor-Meldrew he”s not far away 😁
Yeah, but only if he knows how to put the jam on his scones.
If that's not a Cornish euphemism it should be.
Well, a fairly common one down these parts is " Wasson me cock?"
Which translates as :"What's happening, Bro?
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@siam said in Happiness Scale:
Being invited to friend's kids birthdays was as appealing as triple root canal performed by Helen keller, sans anaesthetic.
You obviously know the mad Iranian who poses as my dentist...
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@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@siam said in Happiness Scale:
Being invited to friend's kids birthdays was as appealing as triple root canal performed by Helen keller, sans anaesthetic.
You obviously know the mad Iranian who poses as my dentist...
@Bones ?
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@mn5 said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@siam said in Happiness Scale:
Being invited to friend's kids birthdays was as appealing as triple root canal performed by Helen keller, sans anaesthetic.
You obviously know the mad Iranian who poses as my dentist...
@Bones ?
All Persians look the same to you huh
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@bones said in Happiness Scale:
@mn5 said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@siam said in Happiness Scale:
Being invited to friend's kids birthdays was as appealing as triple root canal performed by Helen keller, sans anaesthetic.
You obviously know the mad Iranian who poses as my dentist...
@Bones ?
All Persians look the same to you huh
Persians ? Aren’t they the company that make Rugs ?
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@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
But you have a major upside to your job and purpose in this life: you get to deal with the scum in our society and in doing so improve the life of their victims, and the rest of us by taking these dregs out of our lives.
Thanks mate. Funnily enough I was thinking along similar lines not 10 minutes before I read your post. I have some time today to work on a case that is dragging on and I was dreading the negative aspects of it. Then I started thinking about the chance I had to help the victim out. And it definitely helped a bit.
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@booboo don't underestimate the positive effects of Engineering in our society.
It's not direct - but even work for dodgy developers winds up with modern, warm houses for families. Engineers make a massive difference to our communities, don't undersell yourself. It's just often a step or two removed from the actual effects.
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@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
fuck holidays are important. Pretty sure in this very thread you will find a post from me in June last year about how calm and centered i felt after a week in the outback. fast forward to December and i had lost my fucking mind
Once again a couple of weeks unplugged and i feel fucking great.
We've optimistically booked Fiji for April with the kids. Barossa in June sans kids. Nothing too outrageous, both hopefully doable.
We found a part of Hobart both Mrs Mariner and i would have loooved to live. We had consumed a pint or 3 each, so we looked for jobs (well, hers is easy) and found a house. Kids weren't so keen. And when i sobered up i remembered winter in Wellington... but the serious part was i said we needed to be open to opportunity. if something comes up, we can't be afraid to give it a lash.
Easier said than done obviously, but...
God, the height of summer (2019) and Hobart was too cold for me. Loved Tassie. Starting to plan another trip. But couldn't live there.
Hahaha. After two days in the Tamar Valley sightseeing, eating great food and drinking some fantastic wines in magnificent weather I said to Mrs Antipodean it was a place I could stay. Then day three's weather rolled in. No thanks.
Around Launceston gave me vibes of what the bastard child of Dunedin and Greymouth would look like, with less ocean.
We also had some great weather up there. Lasted almost 12 hours.
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@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
But you have a major upside to your job and purpose in this life: you get to deal with the scum in our society and in doing so improve the life of their victims, and the rest of us by taking these dregs out of our lives.
Thanks mate. Funnily enough I was thinking along similar lines not 10 minutes before I read your post. I have some time today to work on a case that is dragging on and I was dreading the negative aspects of it. Then I started thinking about the chance I had to help the victim out. And it definitely helped a bit.
Is there a bigger picture to a lot of the stuff you see? We hear about the symptoms a lot in the media (shooting, stabbing, drugs, gangs etc) but in the job do common threads come through? Not looking for an essay on the ills of society
but interested in your observations.
Happiness Scale
