Parenting
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Dusting this one off.
The Boy is 18 now, has been with the girlfriend* for just over a year, got a summer job at Dan Murphy's (warehouse liquor retail for those outside the great brown land), and got early entry into the course he wanted at the University he wanted.
He got first in course for his favourite subject at school, and did relatively well in his next-favourite, as well as getting the school award for being a good fluffybunny. Or something like that, anyway. "Demonstrating school values"? which is odd at a Catholic School for a decidedly un-religious kid. Ain't no Jebus here.
So, despite Mrs TA wringing her hands at everything that could go wrong, or at least everything she thinks he should have done, he's OK. Didn't try very hard in his exams I might add, with the pressure of a Uni entry score off the table.
Like me, the lazy little fluffybunny will just continue to cruise, doing enough to get by on his strengths, and mostly ignoring his weaknesses. My concern is he's overweight and unfit.... also like me, I guess. But at least I can speak from a position of life experience in how fucked that is.
Mrs TA was making noises about using our hard-earned to help pay for his Uni course, and I drew the line. He can go with HECS and pay that back just like we did; likely the Bank of Mum & Dad will be underwriting his house purchase or other big financials at some point, anyway.
*Girlfriend is lovely, but skinny little waif who barely eats anything. She just finished high school after attending the local College with a religious bent (Adventists?). Apparently she's "asexual" but judging by how much time they spend in his room with the door closed (much to Mrs TA's chagrin), it ain't all watching YouTube.
I've reminded him a few times that he's not just fucking up his life if he gets her pregnant, but also mine. And that will not stand.
Throw in the fact her Mum is pro-life, and therefore an abortion is no-go, and you've got a tightrope to walk on there my boy. Plus, given our genetically enormous cranial history from my father's side of the family, natural birth is also a slim prospect (the girl is Asian - via NZ actually - and won't come out of that without severe damage).
It's a pretty fůcked up world for teens these days. My eldest (17) recently broke up with his missus because he misgendered her non-binary friend.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel good escape
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Parenting:
It's a pretty fůcked up world for teens these days. My eldest (17) recently broke up with his missus because he misgendered her non-binary friend.
Yeah agree with @booboo - dodged a bullet there. Shame if she gave good head but they all stop that at some point...
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Parenting:
It's a pretty fůcked up world for teens these days. My eldest (17) recently broke up with his missus because he misgendered her non-binary friend.
Yeah agree with @booboo - dodged a bullet there. Shame if she gave good head but they all stop that at some point...
Oh yeah he's more than happy. Can't recall his exact words but something like "she's good looking but completely fucked in the head." He's better than me. At that age I would have done and said anything to get some quality tail.
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Righto, serious shit. Mainly a vent so I can put my thoughts somewhere.
The daughter unit has had a rough couple of days building up bad thoughts in her head about her ex-bf and an ex-friend who appear to be getting on together.
Background: the ex-friend was someone who she was hanging with in the early years of high school. This girl had a boyfriend who was a bit of a fluffybunny to her (because 12-13yo teen boy) and Miss TA was trying to be supportive about it but eventually just couldn't deal, which is fair enough. This girl is also a populist and wants people to love her so she's a bit of a flake, which also grinds Miss TA's gears (ironic given Miss TA cares about what dickheads think of her - we'll get to that).
- Epilogue: girl eventually broke up with fluffybunny, apologised to Miss TA, but they've never really been "friends" since. The parallels to Miss TA's own first boyfriend are not lost on me.
So this girl hanging out with Miss TA's ex was seen as a bit of a shock and Miss TA starts engaging via messaging apps to see what is going on. Failing in a way to understand that by engaging, the past is going to get dug up, which is kind of the thing she wants to avoid, right? Right...
Apparently some messages went back and forth, and I come home Thursday night to find her on our bed with the wife, having a spiral session as to why she's a bad person and how bad a girlfriend she was and how she thinks about her mistakes in that relationship every day of her life etc. etc. Also everyone hates her because she's so neurotic about wanting to be liked.
Note: this happens every so often, particularly when Miss TA is hitting her period, because the hormonal/emotional balance goes a bit awry, and she's tired at 11PM at night having a D&M on our bed with one or both of us. Eventually it hit midnight and I left her to sleep in my bed with the wife, going to the couch.
Anyway, Friday she didn't go to school and spent all day lying on her bed. I was working from home so checked in on her, but figured she needed the time to mope and get it out of her system. She perked up a little last night, and seemed to be coming out of it.
This morning, Mrs TA packs her up for dance concert rehearsal. On the way, Miss TA starts getting teary-eyed in the car, and drops "I've been having suicidal thoughts" to the wife.
Well, fuck...
I only find this out after Mrs TA gets home, and disappears for an hour. I find her in a corner of our room in tears about all this - worth noting Mrs TA is under a fair amount of stress at work, and her Mum's situation is in her mind every day, along with various other things she loads up on. Probably needs a bit of counselling herself but thinks it isn't worthwhile to pay someone to listen to her cry... kind of the point...
We've been sending Miss TA to a psychologist to talk through some of the stuff she's feeling, and systems to deal with it. However, in discussions I've had with her, I don't think she's being fully honest with them. No doubt, as someone who does a lot of teen psych, they know this and they're trying to work through it.
This fucking sucks. I know that thoughts of suicide aren't uncommon among teens, and this is the classic "so much to live for" situation. The issue of course is school, and the fact she pretty much has to see these fluffybunnies every day. She knows logically that high school is only another three years, and that it won't be her whole life, but her teen illogical self knows it is ANOTHER THREE YEARS and that amounts to torture.
Jesus wept...
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Has it always been this way or is life for our kids just that more stressful? My niece is about 15 and gets very anxious about life stuff. Boys and girls I know, but when I was that age I didn't really think things through that deeply
I often ask that question about whether it's just "now" or if we had the same stuff.
We definitely had bullying - mental and physical.
But I don't think we had as much mental overstimulation as kids when I was growing up in the 80s and early 90s. IMHO there wasn't as much FOMO except the stuff you did see at school like the rich kid who had nicer sneakers, or whether they had better holidays than you.
Now it is 24/7/365 information and showing you how to look/think/feel. With Miss TA as an example, when she gets too much free time inside her own head, the spiral can begin. Like last night when Mrs TA got her up and about to help with organising dance practice today, she perked up. But a late-ish night and maybe too much time on the phone and it erodes that bouyancy.
"Less time on screens" sounds like an easy answer from a boomer
but I think there is something in the disconnection. Quite often Miss TA has her Macbook open in front of Netflix on the couch while typing on her phone.And I'm guilty of TV + Phone as well. So perhaps there is something we all need to improve on...
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Further to that: kids are told they should be "happy" all the time and this stuff like "find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life".
So as soon as something isn't 100% to expectation the pressure is there to ask why they're not happy. What is the issue? Maybe it's them?
I don't think that was an illusion I ever lived under. Life was just life and you got on with whatever was in front of you. Suicides happened, but they weren't really talked about, particularly in the bush. It wasn't even a "couldn't hack it" thing. Just a fact of life (and death).
Kids got out, injured themselves and just carried on unless it was a broken bone. Now you see them in moon boots or soft casts and things. Just a different landscape.
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"Less time on screens" sounds like an easy answer from a boomer
but I think there is something in the disconnection. Quite often Miss TA has her Macbook open in front of Netflix on the couch while typing on her phone.And I'm guilty of TV + Phone as well. So perhaps there is something we all need to improve on...
We are all guilty of that and disconnecting. I get back to you with how successful I am this weekend :-).
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Ah FFS now the boy comes home from his job upset tonight.
RSA related. Two young blokes enter the store. One buys alcohol and Sam checks his ID, but the other one is nowhere to be seen. Other staff are on the radio telling him to check the other guys ID but he didn't get what they meant as he was serving other customers.
Incident report was written up, and the shift manager is talking to him about written warnings and fines. To the kid who started 3 weeks ago and is doing his first night shift. Yeah thanks fluffybunny. If you were on the radio about the other kid being potentially underage, why didn't you check him yourself?
😡
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Ah FFS now the boy comes home from his job upset tonight.
RSA related. Two young blokes enter the store. One buys alcohol and Sam checks his ID, but the other one is nowhere to be seen. Other staff are on the radio telling him to check the other guys ID but he didn't get what they meant as he was serving other customers.
Incident report was written up, and the shift manager is talking to him about written warnings and fines. To the kid who started 3 weeks ago and is doing his first night shift. Yeah thanks fluffybunny. If you were on the radio about the other kid being potentially underage, why didn't you check him yourself?
😡
Is he getting paid 60K for this shit? I'm assuming it's a part-time gig...
When did the fun go out of everything in Oz/NZ?
I say this as I couldn't buy 100 odd dollars worth of grog (including one really fucking nice bottle of vino) because my (28 year old!) fiancee forgot her passport and they wouldn't accept her Japanese license as proof of her age.
Most amazing scene I've ever been part of when the guy (who is about half my goddamn age and defo younger than her) tells me I'm possibly supplying booze to a minor, so no go. I'm standing there (trying to buy) booze to enjoy with my Mum and Dad after getting engaged, and despite the fact that this was not Marque Vue but was fucking Mount Difficulty, and despite the fact of her wearing a huge diamond, and despite the fact she had multiple forms of ID, I still walked out with nothing.
So, in case you are wondering, Countdown in Morrinsville can suck balls. Do your shopping at the New World.
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Is he getting paid 60K for this shit? I'm assuming it's a part-time gig...
$26.60 an hour. Not bad for a kid with no responsibilities. But fucking hell relax you dickheads!
If he checked the ID of the person buying the alcohol, and the minor was outside the store, then the customer will get the fine anyway for supplying.
That's IF anybody bothers to charge them i.e. the little underage shit gets busted by his parents IF his parents even care.
On top of all that, the mother in law (trapped in her own body with dementia) tested positive for Covid today.
Yay life
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Is he getting paid 60K for this shit? I'm assuming it's a part-time gig...
$26.60 an hour. Not bad for a kid with no responsibilities. But fucking hell relax you dickheads!
If he checked the ID of the person buying the alcohol, and the minor was outside the store, then the customer will get the fine anyway for supplying.
That's IF anybody bothers to charge them i.e. the little underage shit gets busted by his parents IF his parents even care.
On top of all that, the mother in law (trapped n get Ian body with dementia) tested positive for Covid today.
Yay life
$27 an hour, wholly fuck the world outside Japan is a different planet!
My university students are getting paid $12-$15an hour.
Not good about the MIL.
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Is he getting paid 60K for this shit? I'm assuming it's a part-time gig...
$26.60 an hour. Not bad for a kid with no responsibilities. But fucking hell relax you dickheads!
If he checked the ID of the person buying the alcohol, and the minor was outside the store, then the customer will get the fine anyway for supplying.
That's IF anybody bothers to charge them i.e. the little underage shit gets busted by his parents IF his parents even care.
On top of all that, the mother in law (trapped n get Ian body with dementia) tested positive for Covid today.
Yay life
Those laws are insanely stupid.
My 70 yr old mother couldn’t buy a bottle of wine as my 38 year old wife was with her and didn’t have ID.
It literally prevents nothing.
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@MajorRage said in Parenting:
Is he getting paid 60K for this shit? I'm assuming it's a part-time gig...
$26.60 an hour. Not bad for a kid with no responsibilities. But fucking hell relax you dickheads!
If he checked the ID of the person buying the alcohol, and the minor was outside the store, then the customer will get the fine anyway for supplying.
That's IF anybody bothers to charge them i.e. the little underage shit gets busted by his parents IF his parents even care.
On top of all that, the mother in law (trapped n get Ian body with dementia) tested positive for Covid today.
Yay life
Those laws are insanely stupid.
My 70 yr old mother couldn’t buy a bottle of wine as my 38 year old wife was with her and didn’t have ID.
It literally prevents nothing.
@MajorRage said in Parenting:
Is he getting paid 60K for this shit? I'm assuming it's a part-time gig...
$26.60 an hour. Not bad for a kid with no responsibilities. But fucking hell relax you dickheads!
If he checked the ID of the person buying the alcohol, and the minor was outside the store, then the customer will get the fine anyway for supplying.
That's IF anybody bothers to charge them i.e. the little underage shit gets busted by his parents IF his parents even care.
On top of all that, the mother in law (trapped n get Ian body with dementia) tested positive for Covid today.
Yay life
Those laws are insanely stupid.
My 70 yr old mother couldn’t buy a bottle of wine as my 38 year old wife was with her and didn’t have ID.
It literally prevents nothing.
Good way of slipping in a quiet boast about marrying a girl 15 years younger. Good skills mate. 😉
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@Catogrande oh to be that young.
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@NTA yeah TR jnr is on $23 or so working checkouts at the supermarket and as a 16 year old he was given the responsibility of checking IDs for alcohol...but the ultimate responsibility is on the shift supervisor.
On TR, officially left school 3 weeks ago...now just bumming around living the life, isn't picking up extra shifts cos it would interfere with his social life.
Fortunately he has been meeting with a careers advisor who has some options for him, although coming into Xmas...
He is also seeing the careers advisors well-being person, who I know, although TR Jnr only met him in their workplace.
Some of the things he has seen and briefly mentions breaks your heart, he reckons teens of today do deal with things differently and covid has also changed the playing field.
TR jnr is a little fucker at the moment,and screentime, phone more so than gaming at moment is an issue...but he's 17, what do you do.
