Modern Day Parenting
-
<p>I went to a "dads" lunch organised by the eldest's school. Everyone ate steak, drank heaps of beers, and talked about sport and horse racing. You just got lucky i guess...</p>
-
That's what I was expecting , instead I got a dozen or so whining she males . They had pizzas and few beers but it was a token effort at best . We were asked to talk to the guy next to is about our relationship with our fathers, my dad was a Wahine survivor and has all the issues you'd expect with an experience like that but there was no way I was discussing that , the twat next to me started off his ten minute tirade with " my father is a scientist and was the result of a hole in a condom somy father had to get a reliable income instead of doing the study he enjoyed and I always sensed a distance between us because of it...........". Snivelling weirdo, build a bridge ffs was running through my head he whole time.<br><br>
Winger if you're reading this his dad obviously wasnt .on the climate change gravy train -
<p>that's his own fault, they're just giving money away to keep that rolling.</p>
-
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="550900" data-time="1452034790"><p>that's his own fault, they're just giving money away to keep that rolling.</p></blockquote>
<br>
True I'm not sure if the gravy train was around 40 years ago though. He actually sounded like a good dad to me , putting his plans on hold to create a stable home for his ingrate of a son. -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="550896" data-time="1452032560">
<div>
<p>Mooshld at the Insistence of the ex I went to a fathers group one night, they were all a bunch of whining twats apart from the guy running the group who had raised his son by himself. He described how he ended the public tantrums , his son tyres himself down on the ground at a supermarket because his dad wouldn't buy him chocolates so he did the same thing waving his arms and legs in the air and moaning. He said within seconds his son was standing next to him tugging his shirt tling him to stop. He reckoned that ended the tantrums .</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p> </p>
<p>I've had tremendous success from doing that. Kids seem amazed that you'd behave in the same way and then immediately stop. I don't know if it's embarrassment or their synapses are overwhelmed by wondering wtf you're crying about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I also noticed how kids who fall over or otherwise hurt themselves tend to wait on the reaction of parents before crying; if they're laughed at and ignored, all other things being equal they won't cry.</p> -
<p>next time your cat throws a tanty, get it on cam and upload to Youtube, people love that shit!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fortunately, only sulky behavior has been the extent of my kids tanty's, and they are made aware that everyone in the shop is looking at them and their sulkiness, I also told them about peripheral vision so they knew even if the person didn't seem like they were looking, they were.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="550770" data-time="1451970910">
<div>
<p>The school decided my son was the problem , probably because that was the easy route. First they said he had Asperger's , went a specialist who said " wtf are they talking about?" ( I'm paraphrasing here) , then they decided he had behavioural problems and made him do this course about how to deal with his anger. Then they decided I might be to blame , interviewed me and the woman running the course what I did with my son in a typical weekend. I pulled out my phone and showed her photos of us swimmng with a pod of dolphins and my boy catching his first kingfish ( that was an awesome weekend, obviously not a typical one), I got a sour look from her in response . Anyway I thought thinks had settled down on the bullying front but in fact they had got worse and he was so low I was really worried about him. His mum , him and I had a sit down with him and got him to tell us what was going on. It was pretty hard to hear what these little shits were getting away with . We told him he had to take up a sport , to get him meeting other people and more active and a big talk about self respect . Lastly him and I went to mymother in law who used to run anti bullying program's in schools ( I know I should have done this earlier) and she backed up what I was saying about self respect and how you carry yourself and feel about yourself can make you a target .<br>
He chose boxing , on the first session the coach told all the kids if he found out they were bullying of hitting other kids they'd get kicked out. He lost weight and got fit which helped his self esteem as well, he doesn't get bullied anymore thank fuck and he's a lot happier (mostly when he's winding me up but that's another story I guess). He's still boxing, this will be his third year .<br><br>
The little shits that were bullying him who were apparently not the problem? One if them stomped on a kids wrist and almost broke it and thd other one barely turns up to school and they are both stoners at 13 years old . I realise schools have limited options when dealing with bullies bug making out to my boy that there was something wrong with him stank , the more sympathetic side of me says those little shits are going to be train wrecks as adults and intervening earlier might have avoided that.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p> </p>
<p>Damn that's gut-wrenching. Great to hear he's doing well now. Poor bugger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shows how important sport can be to getting kids fit and building their confidence.</p> -
<p>Bloody fascinating read this, no kids for me, just out of a long term relationship so still a good few years away. The bullying and fighting thing has always intrigued me with kids, I was tiny at highschool so was an easy target, this unfortunately coincided with my parents divorce so was a pretty dark time which I nearly didn't get through. Looking back years later I realised that I just needed to stand up for myself but I was conditioned at home, school and church not to do that. Now I wonder if I had a kid who was being bullied what my advice would be. Part of me would be wanting to tell him to smack the kid as hard as he can in the nose, but of course the flip side of that is what if he got a taste for that sort of power and became as bad as the bullies. I certainly don't envy your job as parents, I love babysitting my nephew and nieces but it's always easier when you can give them back!</p>
-
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Rembrandt" data-cid="550949" data-time="1452048054">
<div>
<p>. Part of me would be wanting to tell him to smack the kid as hard as he can in the nose,</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p>My mum told me to do that when I was 5 years old as the neighbour was bullying me for probably only a day. The next day whack! popped him right in the nose when he started up. That was the end of the bullying. I never had it in me to bully others so didn't effect me.</p> -
<p>only time I have thrown a punch in anger was when I was in Standard 4, and a kid had been bullying some little kids, so I hit him...got called into the headmasters office the next day, he looked at me, smiled and said 'well done' but please don't do it again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Many years later (as in about 8 years ago) we were having issues with our neighbours, I went round at midnight to ask them to turn the music down, and the brother of the losers living there said hey I know you...guess who it was!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Haha, he never said anything so who knows if he remembered, but his bro-in-law, I later found out was ex-Black Power (we've since moved)</p> -
<p>I was bullied at school as a 7 year old, got punched in the face a few times at school including a bleeding nose, but the teachers did nothing when I complained. I told a friend about it and asked him what to do, so he showed me - he walked straight over to this bully, grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him between the legs, and left him writhing on the ground. The next time this little punk started up, I grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him between the legs, and left him writhing on the ground. Never had an issue again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If I have kids, my current theory is to teach them self-defence/martial arts, and teach them to tell me and complain to the school, but if that doesn't work, to give them permission to let the bully have it.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Godder" data-cid="550966" data-time="1452056672">
<div>
<p>I was bullied at school as a 7 year old, got punched in the face a few times at school including a bleeding nose, but the teachers did nothing when I complained. I told a friend about it and asked him what to do, so he showed me - he walked straight over to this bully, grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him between the legs, and left him writhing on the ground. The next time this little punk started up, I grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him between the legs, and left him writhing on the ground. Never had an issue again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If I have kids, my current theory is to teach them self-defence/martial arts, and teach them to tell me and complain to the school, but if that doesn't work, to give them permission to let the bully have it.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p> </p>
<p>Yep - the three stages of suppressing a bully: Ignore, Tell, Retaliate. </p> -
I wasn't sure how much traction this thread would get but it's been a really good read. Thanks for the honest replies and opinions guys, none of the bullshit "my kids are perfect and I'm the greatest parent ever" crap you get elsewhere. It is good to know I am not the only one with a child bordering on insane, and that others have many of the same concerns that I do.<br><br>
Reading this reminds me of what a colleague said when I told him my wife was pregnant. "Don't worry mate, they say it's only hard for the first 21 years..." I don't think he was joking in hindsight. -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="canefan" data-cid="551015" data-time="1452077839">
<div>
<p>Anyone that tells you they have perfect kids is either full of shit or on high doses of mind altering drugs</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p> </p>
<p>Or have really low standards... It must theoretically be possible - enough people have enough kids over time that the law of large numbers seems applicable. Not that that's much consolation when your child is throwing a tantrum in the mall...</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="canefan" data-cid="551015" data-time="1452077839"><p>Anyone that tells you they have perfect kids is either full of shit or on high doses of mind altering drugs</p></blockquote>
<br>
Or their kids are dosed to the eyeballs with Ritalin. <br><br>
Ever had childless people offer you parenting advice or turn up at bath/bed time and expect you to alter your routine to have a beer with them ? <br>
Grounds for justifiable jomocide right there <br><br>
A book I'd recommend reading is the whitewater rafting year by Ian grant , growing great boys by Celia Lashlie is pretty good too. -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Godder" data-cid="551016" data-time="1452078021"><p>Or have really low standards... It must theoretically be possible - enough people have enough kids over time that the law of large numbers seems applicable. Not that that's much consolation when your child is throwing a tantrum in the mall...</p></blockquote>Its like the so called "relaxed parents", it is another way of saying negligent. I have mates who let their boys run riot and if we were living in the time of my parents I'd take them over my knee and give them a hiding for the shit they get up to
-
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="canefan" data-cid="551019" data-time="1452078395"><p>Its like the so called "relaxed parents", it is another way of saying negligent. I have mates who let their boys run riot and if we were living in the time of my parents I'd take them over my knee and give them a hiding for the shit they get up to</p></blockquote>
<br>
Yep " relaxed" means lazy or negligent or both . I've got a mate that's had a few foster kids and reckons they actually long for a bit of discipline and structure in their lives . Also parents following through on the things they say they are going to do good or bad -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="551021" data-time="1452078909"><p>
I've got a mate that's had a few foster kids and reckons they actually long for a bit of discipline and structure in their lives . Also parents following through on the things they say they are going to do good or bad</p></blockquote>All kids crave and need discipline structure and consistency in their lives. It extends to everything from feeding time to bath time to bed time, children like adults are creatures of habit. I agree they also need limits or rules, and if those rules are broken they need to understand there are consequences to their actions. I always try to follow through on my threats. Their mother however is very adept at undermining me... -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="canefan" data-cid="551015" data-time="1452077839">
<div>
<p>Anyone that tells you they have perfect kids is either full of shit or on high doses of mind altering drugs</p>
</div>
</blockquote>
<p> </p>
<p>Or they're a woman, speaking to other women who aren't necessarily their friends. Bitchez be crazy 'bout what everyone <em>else</em> thinks about them. No idea why - those fuckers don't matter, and your friends don't care.</p>
