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@nta said in Happiness Scale:
Wish Mrs TA would adhere to that. She scurries around doing her job like she's under performance review. Even when she's a high achiever in her role.
that attitude is often why people are successful, and it's damn hard to leave behind. Habits are deeply deeply ingrained in folk
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@voodoo said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
but the serious part was i said we needed to be open to opportunity. if something comes up, we can't be afraid to give it a lash.
Easier said than done obviously, but...Fuck yes. All of this.
I looked in every real estate window I could find around Nelson Bay and came to one conclusion: the average house price in my current suburb means I could sell up here and be mortgage-free there. Wife could find work in healthcare pretty much anywhere and I could be a kept man.
Or just work the occasional contract remotely. Whatevs.
The only thing keeping me in situ is kids finishing High School (2025) and mother-in-law not yet dead from dementia complications (202?)
We look at RE everywhere we holiday, but will never leave Sydney I reckon. 3 things:
- friends and family, very important to my wife
- kids school (same as NTA), wouldn't leave until they'd finished so that's another 10yrs
> - it's a one way ticket if you sell out of Sydney
The 3rd one is probably the main one for me. Knowing that once you leave the Sydney property market, you ain't coming back unless you invest extremely well. That's all well and good if you have somewhere puking you (like friends who have returned to NZ). But for a sea/tree change, I would be seriously nervous about it.
we very much had this as a concern when thinking about Tassie, only way we could reconcile with it was planning to keep our melbourne place and rent in Tassie, just look at it as an adventure/opportunity for 1-2 years and re assess
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Man, I dodged this thread near the end of last year. Wasn't in a great space and took a while for that to become apparent, where I couldn't fool myself about being extra stressed or it being a temporary thing. A holiday break helped but any hols with young kids is just a different type of busy lol. Still a great change from work and the daily grind.
Plans on the go at work to move some stuff around - but the usual lack of competent folks (who aren't already overworked) to delegate to will make that hard to manage. Kids are great, aside from Mr 2 being weaned against his will (I mean, who turns down boobs!), and the wife and I are good.
We've got some medium sized reno's planned but I keep looking at new jobs or wondering about a break then re-entering the job market. But I think that's more to help me focus on what I like about my current mahi. On a good day I'd be a fool to leave and on a bad day I just feel crushed under the pressure. Luckily I have far more good days than bad ones
That quote from @antipodean really resonated with me. What the fuck are we doing if we can't find some pleasure in the here and now. Easier to say than do, but I'm going to try and focus on that through 2022. But my short term goal is to get my thicc self back the gym. Exercise = happier Paekakboyz. No question.
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@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
@nta said in Happiness Scale:
Wish Mrs TA would adhere to that. She scurries around doing her job like she's under performance review. Even when she's a high achiever in her role.
that attitude is often why people are successful, and it's damn hard to leave behind. Habits are deeply deeply ingrained in folk
Agreed, and I'd understand if she was using that to push on to higher honours. She's made the job about as efficient as it is going to get over 5 years, but from all indications she still micro-manages everyone there. That behaviour has leaked over into our home life - the teens and I are fed up with it, TBH.
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@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
That, coupled with my irrational but deep hatred of January and February
There is nothing irrational about hating the depths of winter. I'm the same with July / August here. I don't mind the cold it's the sunlight deprivation. I did 13 winters i n Europe. I don't think I could now. It's why travel is so important. When the days start drawing in I usually console myself that in a few weeks I will be in some shithole of a bar in the mid 30's and 95% humidity. My sort of place
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@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
The most dangerous risk of all - the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later.
That was me. When my wife got ill I worked very fucking hard to clear the mortgage in six years which made sense but then I kept it up. 80 hour weeks no holidays for a decade and a caregiver all with the misguided ambition of retiring at 55. The way I was going I wasn't going to get to 55.
Then the opportunity came to charter a yacht round the greek islands and it changed my life. Helped by the GFC happening while I was sailing I guess. By the time I retire I'll have worked another decade but I'm alive and I have had some fun on the way - even allowing for the last two years
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I hate this thread, well thats a lie, I find it therapeutic, I think I just find it difficult to process some of the shit that others go through and appear to be so resilient about it and then when reflecting on my wife and I and how we should be doing better.
January on a whole is a tough month mentally for her and she hates her job, but she likes the income and proximty to home, she would leave but has anxiety about finding another job. Its also the anniversary of my wifes Mothers death today which is another trigger of my wife's depression and also she is currently injured, so she cant exercise either so it gets worse.
So things not so great right now at home
Cant say I always like what I do either and I have terrible hours, probably need a long break (which would help both of us) and a change, but I like the money.
Some inspiring words in this thread, although putting it into practice isnt always so easy
...hoping to be more positive next time
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@bayimports not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I find it's much easier to concentrate on small steps than the end picture. So anything that adds some happiness or enjoyment makes it easier to continue making small iterative changes that add up. And you never know what opportunities those may present.
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@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
@bayimports not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I find it's much easier to concentrate on small steps than the end picture. So anything that adds some happiness or enjoyment makes it easier to continue making small iterative changes that add up. And you never know what opportunities those may present.
The thing I like most about this thread is the contribution from all like yourself without trying to claim they are experts, just what has worked for them. I do appreciate all of it, hopefully I can get my head into a better space soon to help others as well
cheers
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Iām almost scared to write here for fear of jinxing shit but 2021 was actually a fucken great year for the potential future Mrs MN5 and I. We bought a beautiful house round the bay in the hills with sea views and weāre settling next month. Close to my boys who she adores ( and the feelings are mutual ) and will enable us both to have an awesome work/life balance as weāve both set out our schedules and work offices before even moving in. Home gym, wine cellar, growing veges and chillies, man cave, movie roomā¦ā¦.Iām gonna be a pig in shit.
Holiday booked in Coromandel next month AND in April, life doesnāt get sweeter. For the second one my ex wife, her hubby, all the kids etc are comingā¦ā¦sounds like a recipe for disaster but the girls will go shopping while the boys sink piss at the brewery. Iāll sit back while my ex wife berates her hubby for being drunk and simply tell him Iāve ābeen there palāā¦.then both women will turn on me and tell me how hopeless I am at shit as they always doā¦ā¦hopefully Mum and Dad ( also there ) stick up for meā¦.whichever way it goes weāll all have a drink and a laugh.
Iāve had some absolute fluffybunnies of years in the past but Iāve plowed through and Iām so grateful things are working out for me now. For anyone doing it tough hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel and whatever other cliche floats your boat. Donāt sweat the small stuff.
Thanks for being here to talk shit with ferners, I do appreciate it.
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@mn5 absolutely magic mate, well done. Adversity breeds toughness... Great to have a good one after pushing through.
21 was an incredibly tough year. Great chance to show resilience, but one of those years where shit news just kept on arriving.
Fern is great for venting. Long may it last
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I'm at an interesting point in my life, my job is good, apparently I'm good at my job (internally and externally) I love the team we have there, we all get on well, such an awesome crew, but I also look and think what else could I do?
I've been in the same industry now for >20 years, I would never go out on my own in my industry, it'd be too much of a battle being a one man band up against all the big boys, not to mention there'd be a restraint on me in regard to my existing clients; I've always thought if I leave this job, I will exit the industry, but to what, fucked if I know.
Often thought about going buying a small business, but seeing the way the past 2 years has hit many small business owners, I'm reluctant to take that step, therefore I'm not sure leaving a job I like with people I really like to work for someone else would be a good step.
2021 was a bitch, I hated every moment of lockdowns last year and has had a knock on effect to me since.
My happy place is the gym right now, I wreck myself there and fucking love it.
Mrs TR and I are strong as always, feels like the kids are turning the corner form the cretins they have been for a while and I worry more for thier futures than I do mine, more what the world will be like for them when I think what I was upto at thier age to the next 5-10, and its not just covid, its more the way kids seem (maybe its just mine) in regard to technology and thier inability to hold real conversations with one another.
Financially, things are tough presently, but its more a series of unfortunate events that got us here, as always, we'll be right, but thats probably another factor in keeping me at my job, given I'm not a huge risk taker when it comes to finances (mortgage is still 10 years from being gone)
BUt when I look at my life, what I have, I know how lucky we are (obviously worked hard for it too) and shouldnt complain too much knowing how much the past 2 years has fucked with so many other peoples lives.
Using the SF movie scale in regard to my happiness, right now I'm giving it 7 its on the way back up out of 10 fuck 2020/2021
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@taniwharugby said in Happiness Scale:
(mortgage is still 10 years from being gone)
Amateur. If you don't have a stupid Sydney mortgage that will run until the late 2040s are you even trying, bro?
Seriously tho 10 years sounds about right, pending the necessary windfall. If I paid the house off I don't know what I'd do TBH - while I'd love Mrs TA to quit work as a first order of business, I don't really think she could live without being frantic about something.
Her grandparents are 2 years or more in the grave. Her Uncle has gotten his money and fucked off. Her brother's divorce is final after 3 years and he's finally enjoying a bit of "me" time to go fishing with his mates.
All that's left is for her Mum to succumb to dementia and .... and, well, she'll find something else to wind herself up about beyond reasonable limits.
@taniwharugby said in Happiness Scale:
Often thought about going buying a small business, but seeing the way the past 2 years has hit many small business owners, I'm reluctant to take that step,
Agreed - if you've worked for others I reckon it is a tough step. I'm a bit risk-averse as well, which is why I haven't moved companies for nearly 15 years, tho I've had multiple roles in that time.
The only thing that might appeal is to get mortgage free and then set up an AirBnB in the right place. Tiny house eco hippie ethically sourced cabins for rich fluffybunnies with too much money and a penchant for tiny meals at the local restaurant I'd invest in. Stick a couple of wind turbines up the hill and solar + batteries on a couple of container houses off-grid somewhere.
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@nta ha, like most people you dream and wonder what you'd do if you won the lottery, even a million would be life changing for us, kill the mortgage and have a huge chunk left to do what we want with.
I'd always thought I'd keep working in some capacity, but during lockdowns, I though fuck that, I'd def be as retired as I could afford!
It is highly likely TR Jnr will finish school at end of this year, I think its Year 12 (form 6) so that will see huge changes to our lifestyle, the fact we can adult when we want and not have to worry about babysitters is so good. Him being on his learners right now is a huge burden though, from 20 Dec to 12 Jan he had 3 days he didnt work, so that meant we couldnt do shit over that period and were running him to work, then to parties after, then pick him up...to work in morning, rinse, repeat.
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@taniwharugby said in Happiness Scale:
I'm at an interesting point in my life, my job is good, apparently I'm good at my job (internally and externally) I love the team we have there, we all get on well, such an awesome crew, but I also look and think what else could I do?
I've been in the same industry now for >20 years, I would never go out on my own in my industry, it'd be too much of a battle being a one man band up against all the big boys, not to mention there'd be a restraint on me in regard to my existing clients; I've always thought if I leave this job, I will exit the industry, but to what, fucked if I know.
Often thought about going buying a small business, but seeing the way the past 2 years has hit many small business owners, I'm reluctant to take that step, therefore I'm not sure leaving a job I like with people I really like to work for someone else would be a good step.
2021 was a bitch, I hated every moment of lockdowns last year and has had a knock on effect to me since.
My happy place is the gym right now, I wreck myself there and fucking love it.
Mrs TR and I are strong as always, feels like the kids are turning the corner form the cretins they have been for a while and I worry more for thier futures than I do mine, more what the world will be like for them when I think what I was upto at thier age to the next 5-10, and its not just covid, its more the way kids seem (maybe its just mine) in regard to technology and thier inability to hold real conversations with one another.
Financially, things are tough presently, but its more a series of unfortunate events that got us here, as always, we'll be right, but thats probably another factor in keeping me at my job, given I'm not a huge risk taker when it comes to finances (mortgage is still 10 years from being gone)
BUt when I look at my life, what I have, I know how lucky we are (obviously worked hard for it too) and shouldnt complain too much knowing how much the past 2 years has fucked with so many other peoples lives.
Using the SF movie scale in regard to my happiness, right now I'm giving it 7 its on the way back up out of 10 fuck 2020/2021
Absolutely this. Choose what you wanna do and smash itā¦ā¦powerlifting, bodybuilding, boxing, even cycling or running ( shudder )ā¦ā¦.
The pheromones from nailing a good workout are awesome.
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@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@majorrage said in Happiness Scale:
@victor-meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
Oh and when youāre down in Devon be sure to catch up with @Victor-Meldrew heās not far away š
Yeah, but only if he knows how to put the jam on his scones.
Euphemism?
Regardless, itās unlikely Iāll know it.
Big debate between Devon and Cornwall on whether it's jam then clotted cream on scones or the other way around when you have cream teas...
Pleased you've got your plans for 2022 sorted. We're on hold - again - which is seriously pissing me off. That, coupled with my irrational but deep hatred of January and February, has put me in a bit of a shit place. Know what I need to do to get out of it, but can't be arsed. It will pass.
Oddly enough, and I know this won't last, Jan & Feb have gotten off to a p pretty decent start here. Quite a few cloudless days, makes it cold as hell, but I'll take that anyway over drizzle misery.
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@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
Work has been a big struggle for me recently. I have 8 years until I have to retire. Driving in to work every day I wonder how the hell I am going to get through the next 8 hours, let alone the next 8 years. Once upon a time I looked forward to each shift.
I know there are at least a couple of posters on here that used to do the work I do so they may understand this a little, but the job has a way of sucking the life out of you. It has a way of eating it's own. You end up going home exhausted, not wanting to do anything and not wanting to make any decisions. You start seeing the 'bad' in everything and everybody. Partners start resenting you because you are not the same person.
I am lucky because Mrs Crazy does the same job as me, but many have no one to talk to who can understand, so they turn to alcohol and engage in risk taking. I have seen way too many colleagues have relationship break downs, some have killed themselves. Others have 'over reacted' at work and have faced the social isolation that comes with internal investigations.
I think the last couple of years have been harder for me because, like others have said, travel is something that I used to keep me sane.
I am in danger of wishing my life away. I can't wait for the shift to end, I can't wait for my days off, I can't wait to retire...
@Crazy-Horse ... something occurred to me reading somebody else's reply, or post (may have been @dogmeat , can't actually remember), but it's been building a bit of a reply inside my head which I suspect I'm going to articulate poorly but wax lyrical anyway ...
I understand entirely how your job jades you.
I
don'tcan't emphasise: I'm a Civil Engineer, not a cop, my job isn't dealing with violent criminals on a day to day basis.But I think I do understand.
I'd hate to have to deal with the scum in our society, and their victims, on a day to day basis.
But you have a major upside to your job and purpose in this life: you get to deal with the scum in our society and in doing so improve the life of their victims, and the rest of us by taking these dregs out of our lives.
Maybe you don't get them all, and that makes you sad. Don't blame you.
Maybe you get so exposed to the bad you forget there's good (log on to the Fern... well remind you).
We've all got upsides to our job (me: improving the safety of an intersection, or improving the quality of your drinking water, or improving your flood immunity - none of which compares with the good outcomes of your job), and the less satisfying (me: making some developer richer ...).
But I think your upsides are really cool and I respect you so much for doing it.
Hope you stick at it and it doesn't grind you down too much
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@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@jc said in Happiness Scale:
I think for many of us who donāt have kids the only thing we can pass on is what we know, and the place we do that mostly is at work. If you take that away whatās left?
For those of us with kids the empty nest looks like a similar situation. My wife looks like she is struggling with the mere prospect of it happening, and our kids are a long way from being financially independent enough to actually move out.
Empty nest within a month. Mrs Boo and MBJ on verge of tears if they dare think too much. Me: nah.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
fuck holidays are important. Pretty sure in this very thread you will find a post from me in June last year about how calm and centered i felt after a week in the outback. fast forward to December and i had lost my fucking mind
Once again a couple of weeks unplugged and i feel fucking great.
We've optimistically booked Fiji for April with the kids. Barossa in June sans kids. Nothing too outrageous, both hopefully doable.
We found a part of Hobart both Mrs Mariner and i would have loooved to live. We had consumed a pint or 3 each, so we looked for jobs (well, hers is easy) and found a house. Kids weren't so keen. And when i sobered up i remembered winter in Wellington... but the serious part was i said we needed to be open to opportunity. if something comes up, we can't be afraid to give it a lash.
Easier said than done obviously, but...
God, the height of summer (2019) and Hobart was too cold for me. Loved Tassie. Starting to plan another trip. But couldn't live there.
Happiness Scale
