Men. Pause.
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@nta said in Men. Pause.:
For those who have kids, around the 40s and early 50s is when the nest starts to empty, or at least kids start having their own social lives and "break up" with Mum or Dad. One of their core genetic imperitaves - having children - is suddenly over in a way they'll never be able to change back. So I suppose they're feeling less wanted despite what their husband/partner might be actually doing).
That is a big and ongoing issue in the Cato household. Mrs C is not handling this very well at all and tries to make her self more indispensable by trying to do more and more for the Misses Cato. It does not work.
I've tried many times and in several ways to address this problem and generally we come to an agreement which she then simply ignores or forgets about and I honestly don't know which it is.
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@catogrande the memory loss thing is interesting. I'm now 45 and the odd moment of forgetting my keys and such is a bit shit, but Mrs TA is sometimes coming back from the supermarket with a supply of something we already have loads of. I'm not sure if it is part of The Change or whether she's on the road to early dementia like her Mum.
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….I just got the title pun…
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@mikethesnow said in Men. Pause.:
My missus has been going through it for around 18 months
Started at 48ish
Best things she’s done are talk about it and take HRT.
More of an even keel with meds.
I’m always astounded by the water retention. Goes from an 8 to a 12 in her sleep.
Madness
HRT is not always a solution, particularly for women with a high breast cancer risk.
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@catogrande we joke about our kids having to leave home now, while they know fucking everything, but I expect TR jnr will be here for years to come (thinking 5+) not yet sure on Miss 13...Mrs TR is likely to start the menopause in the coming years, already noticing the odd changes.
But as to.some other.comments, fuck being a woman, seeing how hard pregnancy was on my wife, the toll it took on her body 13 & 16+ years later, and soon she will have the next stage of being a woman to deal with.
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@booboo said in Men. Pause.:
Remind me of this thread in the morning.
Have some thoughts which boil down to fuck being a chick. From both ends of the feminine fertility life span which I had no idea about.
Biology has a lot to answer for.
On reflection I really have not much more to add, other than sympathy all round.
Sympathy for the ladies in our lives who deal with the weird hormonal bullshit they are subjected to, and us simple males who have no concept.
Unfortunately we seem to missing the few lady Ferners we used to have who may have provided further insight.
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@nta said in Men. Pause.:
@catogrande the memory loss thing is interesting. I'm now 45 and the odd moment of forgetting my keys and such is a bit shit, but Mrs TA is sometimes coming back from the supermarket with a supply of something we already have loads of. I'm not sure if it is part of The Change or whether she's on the road to early dementia like her Mum.
To be honest the possible forgetfulness thing has been ever present and is something of a family trait with the out-laws. Though it has to be said I'm not sure whether it is forgetfulness or simply ignoring an agreed course of action. Mrs C comes from a large family (she has 6 siblings) and it seems to me that they all grew up telling people (ie each other) what they think they wanted to hear for a bit of peace and quiet and then just got on with what they intended anyway. One of the 7 seems to have outgrown this trait, but then again he is the eldest so maybe he didn't give a shit what all the others thought in the first place.
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Interesting responses so far.
I think it's important to reiterate that I'm not necessarily looking to criticise & I do appreciate that what they are going through is tough. But I do think the conversation needs to add on how this affects other people. Again, not demean the emotional / hormonal struggles, but perhaps to put a point or order with it that the fallout can be even worse for those around.
Basically, the relative has left it that she won't speak to to us for quite some time as it's going to take her a very long time to get over what we've said. It won't be something simple as it's so hurtful.
And what happened was that we raised that our daughter was in tears upstairs due to some pretty poor cousin behaviour playing on her known anxiety issues.
Yep, it's going to take her a very long time to get over that our daughter was crying and we decided to talk about what had caused it ...
God knows how long it's going to take her getting over it if her daughter tells her what I said to her ....
Family's eh!
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@majorrage I may be misjudging that interaction, but going through the wild swings off menopause is still no justification for poor behaviour unless you literally said "your kid is a fluffybunny and it's your fault because you're a shit parent and person".
The partner should also step up and calm the waters by acknowledging the behaviour, apologising for the outburst and saying they'll speak to them both.
Like everyone else, bugger having to put up with female biology.
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@majorrage From memory said cousin has previous form?
If she is raising a lil baitch and in denial then all the hormonal shit will exacerbate it, but yeah, where was the Dad during all this?
It's difficult for me to identify what the change was like for my wife because she was going downhill fast with MS contemporaneously and she was / is a very private person but I remember long walks (to the pub) helped me - if not necessarily her.