RIP Sean Wainui
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@nepia I can't say I've seen many news stories about suspected suicides (with a link to a Givealittle page), but that's partially due to the nature/rules of reporting on suicides in NZ. I'm all for opening up the conversation on mental health so I think it's necessary for the suspected cause of death to be updated, even if people find it distasteful.
Personally I find Givealittle pages a bit icky at the best of times especially when this one was set up by the Chiefs, a pro rugby organisation no less. I see NZRPA put out a statement mourning his passing but where are they in this? I wonder if they've donated/contributed in some capacity.
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@smudge I was assuming the Chiefs set it up for the family, as you don't really want them to have to do it themselves. But yeah, agree on the ickiness of them, but as long as the money goes to benefit kids etc then I think they have a place.
Actually now you mention the lack of stories on suspected suicides then maybe @MN5 is right, and the Herald should have done the usual saying it without saying it that @shark mentioned.
I'm now all over the show with my thoughts on this now, all I know is that it's sad for the family either way.
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@nepia said in RIP Sean Wainui:
@smudge I was assuming the Chiefs set it up for the family, as you don't really want them to have to do it themselves. But yeah, agree on the ickiness of them, but as long as the money goes to benefit kids etc then I think they have a place.
Actually now you mention the lack of stories on suspected suicides then maybe @__MN5__ is right, and the Herald should have done the usual saying it without saying it that @shark mentioned.
I'm now all over the show with my thoughts on this now, all I know is that it's sad for the family either way.
Well you do know what they say about broken clocks
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@nepia said in RIP Sean Wainui:
@smudge I was assuming the Chiefs set it up for the family, as you don't really want them to have to do it themselves. But yeah, agree on the ickiness of them, but as long as the money goes to benefit kids etc then I think they have a place.
Actually now you mention the lack of stories on suspected suicides then maybe @MN5 is right, and the Herald should have done the usual saying it without saying it that @shark mentioned.
I'm now all over the show with my thoughts on this now, all I know is that it's sad for the family either way.
Problem with that approach is it was already reported as a single car crash so it would require some literary gymnastics from the reporter to update the story while slotting in the contact details for support and would leave more questions than answers.
The rules have been relaxed slightly in recent years, in that it can be reported as a suspected suicide but no mention of the manner of the suicide (which is why the Coroner has suppressed further details about the crash).
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My comment about the media showing respect and keeping their distance was not about writing one article to inform their readers about this news. I'm more concerned about some of them going to milk this and publish multiple emotive clickbait stories. If there's real news, okay, publish it if done the proper way. If there's no substantial additional news factor, don't. And don't use screaming headlines or social media posts.
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@stargazer said in RIP Sean Wainui:
My comment about the media showing respect and keeping their distance was not about writing one article to inform their readers about this news. I'm more concerned about some of them going to milk this and publish multiple emotive clickbait stories. If there's real news, okay, publish it if done the proper way. If there's no substantial additional news factor, don't. And don't use screaming headlines or social media posts.
Yep, now that the coroner has made a statement and the tangi was over the weekend, I hope that - as you say - it's not drawn out with angle after angle for the next few weeks. I suspect this preliminary statement by the coroner will probably lead to the media stepping back from the story a little bit anyway.
At least until the Chiefs reconvene...
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I don't know why, but I was touched by a suicide I responded to a few weeks ago. You get jobs that impact you more than others because for some reason you can relate to those affected. It got me thinking.
One thing I do know is that we, as in society, need to be able to talk about suicide. All aspects of it. From the act itself to the effect it has on those left behind. There is a stigma to suicide that is being fuelled by the silence and that stigma damages everyone.
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@booboo suicide likely will impact any insurances his whanau might receive...
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@taniwharugby said in RIP Sean Wainui:
@booboo suicide likely will impact any insurances his whanau might receive...
Used to be 13 month exception clauses back in the day. Is that not the case these days?
NB: the NZR group plan looks to be accident only (plus permanent disability) -
Having experienced more than enough suicides in my life I really do feel for the family. Those in grief can't help but feel guilty and you always wonder if you could have done something earlier to prevent it.
Mental health is a disease that is only really starting to get the recognition it deserves, and one could argue a lack of media in the past is one of the reasons we have been so slow to act.
I did 10 years in the Cops and never once spoke to a mental health professional, even after my boss hung himself and I was on duty when it happened. I was always surprised I had to be tested each year to carry a firearm yet no checks were done on my mental health to use the thing.
All I can hope are cases like this are used in a way to encourage those with the illness to reach out for help.
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Does anyone else find it just a tiny bit strange that there wasnt the slightest hint from anyone close to Sean during the outpouring of grief - that we all felt to various degrees - that this wasn't an accident, despite how odd the circumstances from the very first moment? Not that anyone - let alone the whanau of course - wants to leap out and suggest it, but it's just such an odd thing, albeit in a terribly sad situation, that a week passed with all involved allowing everyone to believe it was a tragic accident? Could it be that this took absolutely everyone by surprise? Or just ensuring it was timed, quite respectfully, for after the tangi (or start of it)? Or quite simply, none of our business?
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This is as good a place as any... and I hope anyone who feels the loss of a victim of suicide, including Sean Wainui, indulges me here.
Luckily I've not suffered close loss through suicide. Known a few who have though.
I have got close to losing loved ones though (not me ... thankfully I think I'll be the last person ever to contemplate taking my own life, but people really close to me have tried, thankfully unsuccessfully).
Last Wednesday was apparently World Mental Health Day.
It seems a couple of days too late for Sean.
I've shared this elsewhere, but anyway, my employer had a webinar for said day on Wednesday morning.
International company, American based CEO, so 8am webinar.
Was focussed around suicide prevention on the back of a you tube video called "Wake Up".
Of course I've had zero time to watch said video but plugged into webinar anyway. Need to make time to watch same ... will get there.
What struck me was the balance of the contributors.
Adding up the presenters and the post presentation contributors, out of hundreds, maybe thousands, of participants and at least 30 maybe 50 people who shared their story, how many were blokes?
One.
One guy.
What's the stats on who takes their own life again?
Dunno where I'm going with this but maybe we all need to ask RUOK?
As I say, I reckon I'm the least likely to cause myself any damage, but something like this makes one realise how insidious mental health problems are. How much we hold it in.
TSF is our own little community. We really don't know each other, but we do.
So ask for help and the rest of us will see what we can do.
Anyway, am off to bed. Do we need a wicket yet?
