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@Snowy said in Happiness Scale:
I'll tell more when I get some time but these changes are difficult. My father did it at age 50ish due to cancer (he is still around), but mentally he struggled for quite a while.
The mental side of things is sooo important.
I had a huge change in my life when I split up with the Ex. Massive, unsettling upheaval with serious, serious stress for about a year. I started a History degree to keep sane and give me something to escape to. Fortunately the business side of things was going OK and, a few months later, I met Mrs Meldrew who had just gone thru something similar and taken the same approach. We both look upon those periods with a sense of achievement with loads of happy times amongst the crappy ones.
Our lifestyle is pretty good but it's easy to get into a rut and become a vegetable - particularly during lockdown. We're both learning a revived language which is a real mental challenge and that is hugely important for us.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
Her mother's dementia drags on
I can empathise, NTA.
Horrible, crappy thing to have to deal with at the best of times, worse when you have to isolate for Covid. One of the hardest things Mrs M's & her family are dealing with right now.
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I can’t remember the last time I was truely happy...think I’ve just become resigned to the fact this is my life
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My life is fucking amazing and I should be waaaaay happier day to day than I actually am
And even then, I'm not unhappy, I'm frustrated at unimportant shit like my kids not doing what I want when I want.
But deadset, I have the best fucking life. It's busy, but it's amazing
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@Kiwiwomble said in Happiness Scale:
I can’t remember the last time I was truely happy...think I’ve just become resigned to the fact this is my life
Oh man. That is actually heart breaking to read, and I don't even know you
Come to North Queensland and relax for a week
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@mariner4life don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m unhappy...I just am
Kind of, is this everything for the rest of my life?
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I went through that a while back to be honest.
Rut stuff. Work was work, and locked in. Wife was now a wife and mother. Rugby was done. I distinctly remember laying awake one night asking myself the very topic of this thread.
And I took stock, and realised there was nowhere i would rather be.
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Thats not meant to be advice to you, that's just what I did.
I got really unhappy with my home life a couple of years back. My best mate told me.to sack up and address it. I did, and it was the best thing I ever did.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
Thats not meant to be advice to you, that's just what I did.
I got really unhappy with my home life a couple of years back. My best mate told me.to sack up and address it. I did, and it was the best thing I ever did.
While noting that I'm still yet to contribute in any meaningful way to a thread I started, can I ask what you actually did to address it? Was it just a virtual uppercut and a change of attitude? Or some tangible changes (a dog and a Kamado Joe?)
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Nah, the wife's busy season had dragged from the usual 4 months to nearly 6. During said busy season i am damn near a solo parent for a huge amount of it. I was desperately unhappy at home.
And I told her. I told her the toll it took on me. Which isn't easy when she is the one working all hours. Missing the kids etc. But I did it because that was the first time I ever understood how affairs happen.
And it was for the better. Changes were made.
Fuck it took me a bit to suck up the courage to raise it.
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@mariner4life well done, I bet that took some courage
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@Kiwiwomble yep. Worth it though. Last couple of years have been way better.
I learned a lesson that day. Raising shit, no matter how tough, is of massive benefit. The conversation rarely goes the way it does when we run it through our heads 20 times first.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
Nah, the wife's busy season had dragged from the usual 4 months to nearly 6. During said busy season i am damn near a solo parent for a huge amount of it. I was desperately unhappy at home.
And I told her. I told her the toll it took on me. Which isn't easy when she is the one working all hours. Missing the kids etc. But I did it because that was the first time I ever understood how affairs happen.
And it was for the better. Changes were made.
Fuck it took me a bit to suck up the courage to raise it.Going back a couple of years, the wife showed me this article about helping around the house and the positives it has for couples. "Fair enough, I'll take that on board" I said. And I have.
A while later I showed HER an article in relation to relationships being more equitable e.g. wife initiating a bit more affection (yes, sex, but also other intimate elements) instead of the husband constantly feeling the need and then getting knocked back and feeling like a kicked dog. The story was the same: husbands feeling ignored will end up looking for stimulus elsewhere - emotionally or sexually.
Anger, tears. "If you don't like it then leave!" and when I said I wasn't about to leave "Fine - if you don't have the balls I'LL leave"
Long story short it came down to her Mum, and the fact she wasn't dealing with it. Won't get counselling "why pay to cry for an hour?" etc.
All I can rely on is time, and scraps
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Not trying to be disrespectful but
I don't know how you.guys who aren't really happy at home do it. No matter the state of the day, I love coming home.
I have a couple of mates who cannot say the same, and I just don't know how they do it.
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@mariner4life think I just don’t have the courage to change anything and I know my life is actually good or at least better than a lot so don’t feel I can really complain
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I hate that equivalency shit "oh you should be happy, other people have it worse" no fuck that. Male mental health is an issue because of shit like this.
If some shit in your life isn't working for you, it needs to be addressed. That level of address won't always be the same, nor will the outcome. But, never be hesitant to work on yourself because society likes to tell you it's not a big deal.
Maybe you need to talk to someone to crystalise your thoughts? I know you year has been really fucked up so I'm not surprised your head is battling
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
I think there is enough happiness with other elements of the home life, to keep me going at this point. Until the old duck kicks it, I'm not in a position to evaluate "normal".
Yeah mate I understand.
Happiness Scale
