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@Victor-Meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
Thing is you can always find stuff to be unhappy about and reduce your happiness scale.
This. I mean there is no end of things to shit you if you want, and I guess that is part of the evolution of the human brain: look for problems in order to improve your situation. No Sabretoothed Tigers to fight, so what else is an issue?
Financially, no stresses. We're ticking boxes in terms of income, LVR on our mortgage, likely career paths for kids who are bright enough to get jobs and cynical enough to move jobs. Overseas holidays have become a regular thing since I changed roles a couple of years ago - tho worth noting COVID fucked up my plans for a rugby weekend in NZ and our next jaunt to Fiji, as well as a trip with Miss TA's dance school to California next year.
Am I content?
Depends on the topic, and what day you ask me
I'm certainly more content working from home than the office (see @MajorRage 's comment about office politics above), and feel like I'm more productive when I don't have to live up to the smiley-happy bullshit that HR fluffybunnies value above competence. Which I've always found strangely valid, as HR fluffybunnies wouldn't know competence if it bit them on the anus.
Additionally, I know that I can do excellent work as a specialist whose skills are poorly understood by the majority of my workplace. And in half the time I'd need to "look busy" in front of other people. Any science, sufficiently advanced, looks like magic
I'm (finally) starting to play the game in order to make it look like I do way more than reality, as well, having figured out that you don't get credit for what you do; it is important to broadcast it.The major strain under which I operate is my wife's family situation.
Her mother's dementia drags on
She's still feeling the loss of her Mum's parents (passed 2015 and 2019).
Her Dad is a fucking useless alco (tho that is nothing new) who seems to go on like a cockroach.
Her brother is still going through his divorce shit and Mrs TA is basically the only leaning post all these fuckwits have.
Her work has also been a significant drain on time during COVID as her boss (whose role she will be taking after the old duck retires in 2 weeks age 70) had to deal with her daughter in the last stages of terminal cancer. And that sucks, but I can't extend my monkeysphere to my wife's boss' issues.Safe to say I'm NOT content with being this far down her list of priorities, with this and other things. I'm a sympathetic man and a supportive husband, but there are limits, particularly when there is precisely zero she can do to alter any of those situations.
When her Mum dies, there will be an inheritance large enough that one of us could stop working - or both of us could take an extended break and then come back to work, risky though that is. I would like to think that is the point where we could get things moving toward what I'd consider an ideal relationship, and some of my anxiety around this bullshit could disappear.
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@Victor-Meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
Mrs M's elderly parents' situation is a huge problem at the moment, but we know we'll get thru it.
Mrs TA working in aged care management was a godsend for us doing her Mum's descent, and eye opening. Knowing how everything fits together will help us plan for our own care, so we're not burdening our kids with that bullshit.
I am seriously at a point where I despise her Mum for being such a weak fluffybunny.
We're doing this in our 40s instead of late 50s/60s so in a way that will be good - by the time I hit 50 I'm looking forward to the kids having finished secondary education, her Mum having passed, and her brother's shit sorting itself out.
Maybe I'll lose 10kg between now and then and keep it off.
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@raznomore said in Happiness Scale:
Again I had a job and many others didn't.
Mate we just let half a dozen people go under a restructure that would have happened with or without COVID. Some of them will do quite well from the redundancy - they'll get to take a break and reassess, before picking up work when things bounce back. Some will take it hard.
My boss keeps saying in meetings "look at least we've still all got jobs" and I find myself biting my tongue. Losing a job isn't the end of the world, and that is what shits me about my wife killing herself to set high expectations at her work.
The expectations of others at work are worthless. I don't mind what I do, but I deliberately go at 60% so I've got capacity to go harder if needs be - it also leaves me room to get that "exceeding expectation" rating later on
Contrast that to the wife who runs herself ragged because she's set a high bar from day 1 and believes she needs to keep going higher.
A lot of the time, when corporates talk about kaizen they're imagining it wrong.
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@NTA TBF, losing your will job always suck for the majority of people, especially initially, some react better than others though.
When I was made redundant years back, it hit me hard, I was earning good coin, had a company car, great bonuses etc, even contemplated heading back to the UK, but after I found a new job, and I thought about it, I realised I was cruising, it was no longer challenging, so was a blessing, but as above, at the time, it was not good!
FFD to this year, I still dont earn as much as I did back then, but am earning good enough money, our company has hired 3 additional staff this year, 2 started during lockdown, my job is pretty safe!
But the biggest thing, I work with a great bunch of people, which is the key to any good workplace and healthy work life.
Personally, wife and I are in a great space, like most couples our age, only thing that gets us on edge is $$$...oh, and a 15 year old boy and 12 year old girl, but for the most part, they are decent human beings, so thats something to be happy about.
These past few weeks have been tough for Mrs TR with her sister and brother-in-law getting Covid and more so, worrying about her father getting it, but that hasnt happened, but hasn't been great.
He would usually be coming over for Xmas, so thats a downer.
For myself, joining the gym a few months ago was the best thing I have done for a long time, absolutely loving it, and seeing the benefit too!
Always feel so great after smashing some tin, mentally, physically and the boost too my testosterone is great too!
I think it's all relative, I mean rewind 20/30 years, not sure what 1990/2000 version of me would think of 2020 version, but shit changes, your goals and expectations change.
So all in all, my wife loves me, she's healthy, kids love me when they need a ride or money and are not despicable humans, I'm healthy and I gotta say, yep, I'm happy...
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8/10 I guess. I got a dream job for my union, so that's great, but it involved relocation to Wellington. Except that house prices in Wellington have absolutely skyrocketed since I took the job, so I'm probably stuck flying weekly from Christchurch for the foreseeable.
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@Snowy said in Happiness Scale:
I'll tell more when I get some time but these changes are difficult. My father did it at age 50ish due to cancer (he is still around), but mentally he struggled for quite a while.
The mental side of things is sooo important.
I had a huge change in my life when I split up with the Ex. Massive, unsettling upheaval with serious, serious stress for about a year. I started a History degree to keep sane and give me something to escape to. Fortunately the business side of things was going OK and, a few months later, I met Mrs Meldrew who had just gone thru something similar and taken the same approach. We both look upon those periods with a sense of achievement with loads of happy times amongst the crappy ones.
Our lifestyle is pretty good but it's easy to get into a rut and become a vegetable - particularly during lockdown. We're both learning a revived language which is a real mental challenge and that is hugely important for us.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
Her mother's dementia drags on
I can empathise, NTA.
Horrible, crappy thing to have to deal with at the best of times, worse when you have to isolate for Covid. One of the hardest things Mrs M's & her family are dealing with right now.
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I can’t remember the last time I was truely happy...think I’ve just become resigned to the fact this is my life
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My life is fucking amazing and I should be waaaaay happier day to day than I actually am
And even then, I'm not unhappy, I'm frustrated at unimportant shit like my kids not doing what I want when I want.
But deadset, I have the best fucking life. It's busy, but it's amazing
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@Kiwiwomble said in Happiness Scale:
I can’t remember the last time I was truely happy...think I’ve just become resigned to the fact this is my life
Oh man. That is actually heart breaking to read, and I don't even know you
Come to North Queensland and relax for a week
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@mariner4life don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m unhappy...I just am
Kind of, is this everything for the rest of my life?
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I went through that a while back to be honest.
Rut stuff. Work was work, and locked in. Wife was now a wife and mother. Rugby was done. I distinctly remember laying awake one night asking myself the very topic of this thread.
And I took stock, and realised there was nowhere i would rather be.
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Thats not meant to be advice to you, that's just what I did.
I got really unhappy with my home life a couple of years back. My best mate told me.to sack up and address it. I did, and it was the best thing I ever did.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
Thats not meant to be advice to you, that's just what I did.
I got really unhappy with my home life a couple of years back. My best mate told me.to sack up and address it. I did, and it was the best thing I ever did.
While noting that I'm still yet to contribute in any meaningful way to a thread I started, can I ask what you actually did to address it? Was it just a virtual uppercut and a change of attitude? Or some tangible changes (a dog and a Kamado Joe?)
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Nah, the wife's busy season had dragged from the usual 4 months to nearly 6. During said busy season i am damn near a solo parent for a huge amount of it. I was desperately unhappy at home.
And I told her. I told her the toll it took on me. Which isn't easy when she is the one working all hours. Missing the kids etc. But I did it because that was the first time I ever understood how affairs happen.
And it was for the better. Changes were made.
Fuck it took me a bit to suck up the courage to raise it.
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@mariner4life well done, I bet that took some courage
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@Kiwiwomble yep. Worth it though. Last couple of years have been way better.
I learned a lesson that day. Raising shit, no matter how tough, is of massive benefit. The conversation rarely goes the way it does when we run it through our heads 20 times first.
Happiness Scale
