UFC / MMA
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<p>So the staredowns happened., Hunt Lesnar - Don't think I've ever seen 2 fighters looking so relaxed - they seemed pretty friendly!</p>
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<p>Lesnar is fucking massive. He must be 30% bigger that Hunt in just about every way. He's got his work cut out thats for sure.</p> -
<p>This article on Brock always makes me laugh</p>
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<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">Brock Lesnar is a human cheat-code. He is 300 pounds of muscle and judging by the way he darts around, I don't think mass and inertia were properly explained to him. He has so much wild animal meat inside him at any time that bears unsheath their penis bones when his scent catches the wind. Brock Lesnar is exactly what you would use if you were making an army of super clone soldiers, which explains why his outgoing voicemail message is, "I am one of you, ordinary human. You can tell me where the resistance is hiding after the beep."</p>
<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">Brock is such a physical beast that in his first UFC fight, his second MMA fight ever, he got matched up against the former UFC Heavyweight Champion, Frank Mir. Despite having about 70 seconds of professional fighting experience, Brock was manhandling Frank. He threw him down, punched him down, and scientists everywhere started calling each other, trying to figure out which of their colleagues had finally figured out how to turn into the Hulk.</p>
<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">Frank is a crafty submission artist, though; and while Brock was standing over him and deciding which part to smash, Frank expertly pulled him into a kneebar and tapped him out. It gave hope to martial artists everywhere that they might stand a chance in a Bigfoot attack if his joints work like ours. They don't. In fact, that's where Bigfoot keeps his milk sacs. All you're going to do is cover yourself in salty ape whey, but I'm getting off topic. After this fight, Frank Mir and Brock Lesnar both turned into impossible assholes.</p>
<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">For a year and a half, Frank told everyone about how stupid Brock was for getting caught in such a basic kneebar. Frank also told everyone how awesome he was for pulling off such a brilliant kneebar. Being a dick is more of an art than a science. Brock's approach to the trash talking was more primal. He was going to revenge fuck Frank Mir's corpse until his ghost had a baby.</p>
<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">When they had their rematch at UFC 100, complicated circumstances had led to each of them being a UFC Heavyweight Champion. Not only would they unify the belt, we'd finally see who was deadliest: Ardipithecus or Douchebag. The fight started like their first one-- Brock used his secret technique of being fifty times stronger to hold Frank down by his neck and face and punch him. The only moves Frank managed to land were several thumbs up to his corner to signal that he was still alive, somewhere under the feasting manananggal.</p>
<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">One criticism of Brock's fighting technique is his lack of patience. In his early MMA fights, he tended to frantically whack at his opponents like his mother just deleted his save game. This never really mattered since a sloppy half-punch from Brock Lesnar is an extinction level event for spinal fluid. He has more muscles in his forearms than a clown has in his four freezers. Brock had to marry a pro wrestler because when he shifts in his sleep it's the equivalent of The Bushwackers Irish-whipping you into a steel ladder. However, Brock's thirst for revenge had focused his rage. He wasn't spazzing away with tiny shots-- he was measuring his punches in pure hate. By the end of the first round there was so much of Frank's face on Brock Lesnar's knuckles that to this day, Frank can still taste it when Brock reaches into an elk's uterus to hide his valuables.</p>
<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">When Frank survived the first round, the remaining parts of his brain took one look at the beast that almost killed him and thought, "If we're not dead, that can only mean one thing: <span style="font-family:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin:0px;">we are invincible</span>." It's the only reason I can think of to explain why he got close to Brock and attempted a flying double knee. It had all the foresight of going to an Alabama family reunion without a condom. Sure enough, Frank bounced off and fell onto his back. It was such an open invitation to a ravaging that I think he might have been trying to confuse and overload Brock Lesnar's sex glands.</p>
<p style="font-family:proximanNovaRegular;color:rgb(0,0,0);">Brock fell on him like he was working a jackhammer, and Frank's desperate attempt to roll away from the beating only made things worse. The referee stopped the fight right before it became a recipe for Swedish meatballs. Brock celebrated by taunting the bloody remains of Frank Mir. He screamed, <span style="font-family:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin:0px;">"Talk all the shit you want now!"</span> Then, mad with revenge, he started flipping off the crowd. Because seriously, fuck those guys for just sitting there and letting him liquify a human. 12,191 MMA fans in attendance and none of them thought to bring tranquilizer darts? That's poor planning. There aren't enough Coors Lights in The Mandalay Bay Events Center to drop a Brock Lesnar after it's made a fresh kill.</p>
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<p><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-greatest-revenge-matches-in-mma-history/'>http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-greatest-revenge-matches-in-mma-history/</a></p> -
<p>Has there ever been another kiwi sportsman that is a bigger star outside NZ than he is in it ? </p>
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<p>Interesting with Hunt , probably more a refection on the sport of UFC than himself though . </p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="kiwiinmelb" data-cid="594688" data-time="1467869718">
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<p>Has there ever been another kiwi sportsman that is a bigger star outside NZ than he is in it ? </p>
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<p>Interesting with Hunt , probably more a refection on the sport of UFC than himself though . </p>
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<p>If you accept Chess as a sport, GM Murray Chandler was in the world top 20 for much of the 80s, played for the English team back when they were the world #2 after the USSR, and is one of the very few players in history with a plus score against Kasparov (lifetime score is 2-0 in Chandler's favour, one of which was in 1985 which is the year Kasparov became world champion).</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Godder" data-cid="594749" data-time="1467886917">
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<p>If you accept Chess as a sport, GM Murray Chandler was in the world top 20 for much of the 80s, played for the English team back when they were the world #2 after the USSR, and is one of the very few players in history with a plus score against Kasparov (lifetime score is 2-0 in Chandler's favour, one of which was in 1985 which is the year Kasparov became world champion).</p>
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<p>Check and Mate kiwiinmelb!</p>
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<p>I will get my own coat!</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="kiwiinmelb" data-cid="594688" data-time="1467869718">
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<p>Has there ever been another kiwi sportsman that is a bigger star outside NZ than he is in it ? </p>
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<p>Interesting with Hunt , probably more a refection on the sport of UFC than himself though . </p>
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<p>I'd say Ray Sefo is another one.</p>
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<p><img src="http://i.imgur.com/LnT7RQk.gif" alt="LnT7RQk.gif"></p>
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<p>One of my favorite KOs ever.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="594687" data-time="1467868966">
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<p>This article on Brock always makes me laugh</p>
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<p><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-greatest-revenge-matches-in-mma-history/'>http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-greatest-revenge-matches-in-mma-history/</a></p>
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<p>Outstanding humour.</p>
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<p>That was full of guffaws and chortles from the first word.</p> -
<p>The UFC has announced that DC is now fighting Anderson Silva. Pretty good option given how little time they had but realistically, Silva has next to no chance of winning. Even in his prime he struggled against good wrestling and DC's wrestling is far better than just good.</p>
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<p>That's a joke.</p>
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<p>Won't last a minute.</p> -
<p>UFC Fight Night 90<br><br>
DUFFY V CLARKE<br>
Cracking right to floor Clarke then rear naked choke to finish it in quick time (25 seconds)<br><br><br>
JOUBAN V MUHAMMAD<br>
WHAT A FIGHT!<br>
Three rounds of quality<br>
Jouban did enough in the first two rounds. Muhammad strong in the third, but Jouban's chin was solid<br>
Muhammad is one tough bastard though, with one of the weakest chin / quickest recovery combos out there<br><br><br>
NELSON V LEWIS<br>
Big Country v The Beast. Two Grizzly's going at it for 15 minutes.<br>
Lewis on split-decision. Despite Lewis' strikes, it should have gone the other way IMHO<br><br><br>
DOS ANJOS V ALVAREZ<br>
WOW!<br>
What a chin on Dos Anjos. But Alvarez was relentless and Herb Dean right to stop the barrage and stop the fight.</p>
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<p>Great card :good1:</p> -
Watching chicks beat the piss out of each other is hard to masturbate to
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="595673" data-time="1468115138">
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<p>Watching chicks beat the piss out of each other is hard to masturbate to</p>
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<p>I can't believe someone not only married you but bred with you as well.</p> -
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="595673" data-time="1468115138"><p>Watching chicks beat the piss out of each other is hard to masturbate to</p></blockquote>
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Funny M4L<br><br>
I'm all for equal rights. Also all for the genders being different -
<p>Hunt getting beat on...I dont know the rules, but why wasnt hunt hitting him when he had him against the ring?</p>
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<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="taniwharugby" data-cid="595701" data-time="1468124707">
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<p>Hunt getting beat on...I dont know the rules, but why wasnt hunt hitting him when he had him against the ring?</p>
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<p>When you're against a wrestler like Brock, you want to use that hand for defence in that position, not attack.</p>
