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@l_n_p said in Happiness Scale:
I started contracting young at 25 purely for the money but continued it more as I found I liked the lifestyle and flexibility. I can work at 110%+ for long periods and enjoyed it - a good project can be 18-24 months (my field is corporate IT) .
Same here - now doing everything on cloud platforms and video calls makes it even easier to be remote.
The hurdle I'd have with contracting is not thinking like an FTE any more. Worry about the deadline, not what comes after. On occasions I've had to clean up behind a few contractors whose work was more stop-gap than solution, as well.
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Work has been a big struggle for me recently. I have 8 years until I have to retire. Driving in to work every day I wonder how the hell I am going to get through the next 8 hours, let alone the next 8 years. Once upon a time I looked forward to each shift.
I know there are at least a couple of posters on here that used to do the work I do so they may understand this a little, but the job has a way of sucking the life out of you. It has a way of eating it's own. You end up going home exhausted, not wanting to do anything and not wanting to make any decisions. You start seeing the 'bad' in everything and everybody. Partners start resenting you because you are not the same person.
I am lucky because Mrs Crazy does the same job as me, but many have no one to talk to who can understand, so they turn to alcohol and engage in risk taking. I have seen way too many colleagues have relationship break downs, some have killed themselves. Others have 'over reacted' at work and have faced the social isolation that comes with internal investigations.
I think the last couple of years have been harder for me because, like others have said, travel is something that I used to keep me sane.
I am in danger of wishing my life away. I can't wait for the shift to end, I can't wait for my days off, I can't wait to retire...
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@crazy-horse have you considered regulatory work or perhaps contracting or consulting related to your job? I used to work for one of NZ's biggest regulators, and police quite often made the change successfully.
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@nta said in Happiness Scale:
@l_n_p said in Happiness Scale:
I started contracting young at 25 purely for the money but continued it more as I found I liked the lifestyle and flexibility. I can work at 110%+ for long periods and enjoyed it - a good project can be 18-24 months (my field is corporate IT) .
Same here - now doing everything on cloud platforms and video calls makes it even easier to be remote.
The hurdle I'd have with contracting is not thinking like an FTE any more. Worry about the deadline, not what comes after. On occasions I've had to clean up behind a few contractors whose work was more stop-gap than solution, as well.
1000%. I went through that experience but in reverse when I went "permie" after 15 years as a contractor ... it needs a big mentality switch
Contracting => typically very much delivery-focussed and in a far narrower area i.e. I was contracting as a project manager for say 12-18 months. But it's a single project so - total delivery focus is normally key and of course you're always expendable!
Permie => suddenly dealing with the weekly 1-2-1s, dual reporting lines, annual appraisals. A lot more emphasis on strategy & planning, relationships & politics, managing the starts & ends (project building & business-as-usual continuity) - and in parallel with multiple other things - so bandwidth is key
No right or wrong - the move is definitely doable, but yes, a mentality switch is needed either way
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@godder no I haven't seriously considered any work outside the job although I have thought about it Some friends have joined the private sector and are much happier but I haven't gotten to that stage yet. I may get to that point, I don't know. Others have found different roles within the police, so that is an option. Choosing one that interests me is the hard part.
I always wanted to do what I am doing (remember when you were a kid and people would ask what you wanted to be when you grow up - I always said I wanted to be a cop). Leaving the job (or my specific role) would be a big step for me, my self identity is wrapped up in it. Despite how I feel now and what I wrote in my previous post, I know I will be devastated (not sure that's the right word) the day I walk out of the station for the final time.
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@crazy-horse Not sure your work, but I think it can happen in any field tbh
I personally feel there's a point that can hit around 50 which is way more than a mid-life crisis. It's existential and you may already know that (deep down) swapping companies or jobs isn't the answer. I DO know the exact feeling you describe btw
It can feel hard to stay stop because we're all trained be "succesful", to know what's next and have a sure plan, or to grind things out (somehow) to retirement.? Also we may have responsibilities like kids, finances etc
Sometimes simply saying that you need an open-ended "time-out" can be the hardest thing to do in life ... just my 2 cents, and kind of where I am
So - full understanding, and I wish you the best so much
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@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
Work has been a big struggle for me recently. I have 8 years until I have to retire. Driving in to work every day I wonder how the hell I am going to get through the next 8 hours, let alone the next 8 years. Once upon a time I looked forward to each shift.
I know there are at least a couple of posters on here that used to do the work I do so they may understand this a little, but the job has a way of sucking the life out of you. It has a way of eating it's own. You end up going home exhausted, not wanting to do anything and not wanting to make any decisions. You start seeing the 'bad' in everything and everybody. Partners start resenting you because you are not the same person.
I am lucky because Mrs Crazy does the same job as me, but many have no one to talk to who can understand, so they turn to alcohol and engage in risk taking. I have seen way too many colleagues have relationship break downs, some have killed themselves. Others have 'over reacted' at work and have faced the social isolation that comes with internal investigations.
I think the last couple of years have been harder for me because, like others have said, travel is something that I used to keep me sane.
I am in danger of wishing my life away. I can't wait for the shift to end, I can't wait for my days off, I can't wait to retire...
I worked for Comms while applying to be a “real” cop and that shit was enough for me. I hated shift work like you wouldn’t believe. It alone completely turned me off the idea of becoming sworn.
At the risk of sounding cheesy, thanks for your service. I have massive respect and admiration for anyone who is a Cop.
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@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
@godder no I haven't seriously considered any work outside the job although I have thought about it Some friends have joined the private sector and are much happier but I haven't gotten to that stage yet. I may get to that point, I don't know. Others have found different roles within the police, so that is an option. Choosing one that interests me is the hard part.
I always wanted to do what I am doing (remember when you were a kid and people would ask what you wanted to be when you grow up - I always said I wanted to be a cop). Leaving the job (or my specific role) would be a big step for me, my self identity is wrapped up in it. Despite how I feel now and what I wrote in my previous post, I know I will be devastated (not sure that's the right word) the day I walk out of the station for the final time.
Ditto on self-identity that's why it can be hard to disentangle ... it's not just the job but can be a need to re-evaluate who we are and what we want/need to be happy going forward
I was fine(ish) up to 45. Ground it out until about 50 for various reasons I don't regret - family, reality of finances. Outside, everything looked fine, succesful etc. Inside, stuff that made me feel great at 25, happy at 35 and okay-ish at 45 had become a total grind by 50
I can't say what is best for you, we're all different ... I've taken a time-out without pre-defining what's next. It's very freeing if you can avoid feelings of guilt from not being a 'societally-approved productive unit'
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@mn5 yeah shift work is one hell of a grind. You end up tired all the bloody time. Each run of nightwork (7 nights for us) gets harder.
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@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
@mn5 yeah shift work is one hell of a grind. You end up tired all the bloody time. Each run of nightwork (7 nights for us) gets harder.
Six on four off here. Fuck it was tough with a struggling marriage and two small kids.
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@l_n_p thanks for your thoughts. Your perspective has been interesting. I can definitely relate to your 'timeframe'.
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@mn5 I don't have kids, but I have often looked at people with them and wondered how the hell they do it.
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@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
@mn5 I don't have kids, but I have often looked at people with them and wondered how the hell they do it.
Seemed doable and a great idea at the time……good old hindsight and all of that…..
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@crazy-horse said in Happiness Scale:
@l_n_p thanks for your thoughts. Your perspective has been interesting. I can definitely relate to your 'timeframe'.
A few things happened over a few year from 45 on ... I had redefined my views on success. My replacement at work literally dropped dead age 40 on a project I was working on - a freak undiagnosed pre-condition, but overwork and stress also ... I saw a younger version of me there. A bit later my daughter was about to leave home (finances)
Finally I pushed the "one more time" move to another company at 50ish ... great role, perfect fit, a bit of a change, less stress - seemed great tbh? But after the excitement of settling, say 4 months in I still felt the same old grind you mentioned
Not sure what's next, only that a time-out has started let me rediscover my self identity in a way totally de-linked from work
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@majorrage said in Happiness Scale:
I was todays years old when I learned you could go ski-ing in Turkey.
Let us know what it's like. Not been to Turkey before and would love to go there to do something different.
Back safe & sound
Excellent trip
The people were very friendly, the food excellent, the snow gods smiled down on us
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@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
I've realised I'm an active relaxer, but retiring 'from' rather than 'to' fills me with deep apprehension.
My biggest problem has always been relaxing. I jump out of bed and it's one job after another for at least 12 hours a day. When I travel I'm the one out the door at 7:00 am and not back until 11. Definitely not a sit on the beach type. Over the last few years I have tried to train myself to just sit and people watch and let it all go, but it's a struggle.
I tell people that I am ready for retirement but I wonder if I truly am. Travel is a big part of the plan. Otherwise it's just doing what I already like but with the time to actually do it.
It'll be obvious to you when I do finally retire. Either I will be on here all day (not going well) or not at all (going splendidly).
@Crazy-Horse Mate your situation sounds too tough. Eight years is too long. As for the conflicted emotions about your job. Fuck! I don't know what to say, but something has to change. Either somehow rediscover what about it gave you satisfaction or take the big step of getting the hell out. You say have to retire. Will you still need another job after that? If you do then maybe it's time now??
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@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
Covid's crazy though, and with no international travel what the hell does retirement even look like? I've realised I'm an active relaxer, but retiring 'from' rather than 'to' fills me with deep apprehension.
Leaving your job for the last time can be a very challenging thing to do, in my experience. I “retired” at 52. I was moving back here to NZ anyway so it seemed like everything was aligning and the time was right. But when my last day actually came I was not prepared. I had flights arranged for a couple of days after, we were looking forward to living in NZ, I had no money worries. But the truth is I didn’t know what I was for anymore. I’d worked for my company for 25 years. Apart from getting married to Mrs JC, pretty much everything meaningful I’d done in my life was wrapped up in my job. That’s a very confronting thing to realise to be honest.
I think for many of us who don’t have kids the only thing we can pass on is what we know, and the place we do that mostly is at work. If you take that away what’s left? I’m not particularly creative and haven’t been blessed with the coaching gene so lacked an outlet for doing anything meaningful. I did some work with charities (still do) but ultimately I started working again because fundamentally it’s what I do. I analyse things. I direct people. Retirement just doesn’t give you those opportunities.
I think some of us just need to accept that for us it's not a bad thing that there’s no realistic chance of ever stopping work. We just need to find something different to do with our time, and as long as we are doing it because we like it rather than through necessity that’s OK.
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@jc said in Happiness Scale:
I think for many of us who don’t have kids the only thing we can pass on is what we know, and the place we do that mostly is at work. If you take that away what’s left?
For those of us with kids the empty nest looks like a similar situation. My wife looks like she is struggling with the mere prospect of it happening, and our kids are a long way from being financially independent enough to actually move out.
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@jc said in Happiness Scale:
@nzzp said in Happiness Scale:
Covid's crazy though, and with no international travel what the hell does retirement even look like? I've realised I'm an active relaxer, but retiring 'from' rather than 'to' fills me with deep apprehension.
Leaving your job for the last time can be a very challenging thing to do, in my experience. I “retired” at 52. I was moving back here to NZ anyway so it seemed like everything was aligning and the time was right. But when my last day actually came I was not prepared. I had flights arranged for a couple of days after, we were looking forward to living in NZ, I had no money worries. But the truth is I didn’t know what I was for anymore. I’d worked for my company for 25 years. Apart from getting married to Mrs JC, pretty much everything meaningful I’d done in my life was wrapped up in my job. That’s a very confronting thing to realise to be honest.
I think for many of us who don’t have kids the only thing we can pass on is what we know, and the place we do that mostly is at work. If you take that away what’s left? I’m not particularly creative and haven’t been blessed with the coaching gene so lacked an outlet for doing anything meaningful. I did some work with charities (still do) but ultimately I started working again because fundamentally it’s what I do. I analyse things. I direct people. Retirement just doesn’t give you those opportunities.
I think some of us just need to accept that for us it's not a bad thing that there’s no realistic chance of ever stopping work. We just need to find something different to do with our time, and as long as we are doing it because we like it rather than through necessity that’s OK.
jesus thats hit me like a train, we dont have have no plans for kids and so could/will be in a very similar situation, we have friends in their 50's who retired and have gone back to work for very similar reasons
fuck thats actually making me feel anxious
Happiness Scale
