Modern Day Parenting

taniwharugby

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="NTA" data-cid="550625" data-time="1451945748">
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I asked why they were such a pair of little animals when their mother was home, but not when they were stuck with just me. Boy looks at me directly and said "Because you're meaner than Mummy".
 
It seems to be a common theme with the mothers I know, at least. i.e. try to be a Mum to them forever and make it last. From my point of view, all you're raising is a dependent who isn't prepared for failure or rejection.
 
And I've noticed this over and over again - if she's late getting home from work, they'll do what I ask up until she walks in the door, then they use her to start acting up.
 
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Sounds VERY familiar to my kids!
 
My boy is very intelligent, he is just lazy as buggary, and while his school reports seem eerily similar to mine at the same age, I get the impression it is standard fare for teachers to write.
 
My daughter plays upto the dumb girl image, but she is also pretty smart.

No Quarter

I think I have the same problem as you NTA. The wife wants our boy to stay "her baby forever" whereas I'm very keen to raise him into a respectable adult. She is far more of a pushover then me. Like when I say it's bed time he says "I wanna cuddle mummy!!!" and runs off to her, as he know she is far less likely to make him go to bed immediately. I sent her the above article as a warning about the perils of letting him dictate to us.
 
TR - that sounds like a good idea linking your devices together under your account so you can monitor.
 
Judging by a few comments here, I am starting to think a 2nd child is not a good idea? :)

NTA

I should point out: I'm not a hardass to my kids. I just draw the line and expect them to stay near it. I actually appreciate the times they push it, because it shows they're growing, and we can review that as we go.
 
 
 
 
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="No Quarter" data-cid="550635" data-time="1451947016">
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Judging by a few comments here, I am starting to think a 2nd child is not a good idea? :)
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Siblings will fight - that's the way of things. But they'll stick up for each other. My two are separated by 3.5 years and it seems to work well.
 
When she hits puberty and he's awkward mid-teens though... ay ay ay! Might be time for that trip around Australia. And an explanation to him of the basics of the menstrual cycle and what it means for your sanity.
 
 
 
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="taniwharugby" data-cid="550631" data-time="1451946256">
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My daughter plays upto the dumb girl image, but she is also pretty smart.
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This is a LOT to do with the cues they take from TV or movie characters. Look at Frozen: the queen is a neurotic bitch with ice powers, and the sister is basically a ditz with a heart of gold. My Little Ponies are fucking idiots with too much free time on their hands to analyse feelings that they've hurt (google "bronies" if you don't think THAT is fucked up).
 
Kids don't have much decent slapstick to look up to any more and just laugh at. All their shit is trying to teach them about communication and feelings. Its rubbish

taniwharugby

yea sounds all very familiar NTA.
 
As for a sibling thing NQ, well, I guess the flipside is an only child is likely to be spoilt even more...there are days we question having either of them, let alone the 2nd Seriously though, when they are not being little plonkers, they are pretty funny and good to have about, and then there is the funny shit they say.
 
I asked my kids if they knew what I did for a job, got a surprisingly good answer from TR Jnr, Miss 7 looked at me, told me the industry I work in, I asked for more, she told me to ask her brother as he would know.
 
Miss 7 helped me make plum jam from my plum tree yesterday, and she was very excited and was very eager to have it on her toast this morning, sadly, she slept in and I was off to work before she had breakfast
 
They both have their annoying traits, TR Jnr, wants to be better at stuff (running, rugby etc) but would prefer he became magically fitter, stronger etc....

Chazs Raiders

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="550626" data-time="1451945802">
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Good on you for not backing down, do winz get in touch with you if she applies for that benefit? I would have thought there'd have to be a decent reason for to be able to get it rather than she doesn't want to say " is that a regular or large combo?".
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They have asked why she needs to leave home.
We have said that she doesn't, she just needs to go to school or get a job, we are happy to do what parents should be doing & that she WANTS to leave.
 
Their reply was pretty much, Ahh... another teenager thinking she knows best & rebelling against authority & her parents.
 
At this stage no benefit, but she still believes that she is entitled to one & is now citing mental health issues (depression from having to do what her parents say).
There have been some rather scary threats that as a parent you never want to hear.
 
So she is currently leaving with the assumption that once she has left she will get what she wants.

MN5

I had an awkward moment at after school pick ups a few months back. Oldest was hanging his head in shame and the convo went like this: 
Me: What's wrong mate? 
MN5 Jr: I hit someone.... 
Me: Why? 
MN5 Jr: Cos he tried to hit my brother........ 
He pointed at the kid who was a lot bigger than him and I was torn between pride and anger.....their mum is of the opinion that they need to go to the teacher when shit flares up, having been a small boy of the 80s in the school playground I realise this is often not an option. As an only child I really play up the whole 'I never had a brother, you guys need to watch out for eachother' and more often than not they do but my oldest is almost a Troy Flavell/Danny Grewcock type, he's sometimes not particularly sly, he'll go in all guns blazing and get caught by the teachers when often he is retaliating for an earlier ( unseen ) offence. 
You don't want your kids fighting but at the same time you don't want them being pussies and crying to the teacher. It's a complete and utter no win situation really.

antipodean

I'm a very permissive parent. I often say not to do something only to get stared at and then the behaviour continues right in front of me. But I console myself with the fact I'm raising a cat.

NTA

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="taniwharugby" data-cid="550640" data-time="1451947928">
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TR Jnr, wants to be better at stuff (running, rugby etc) but would prefer he became magically fitter, stronger etc....
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Oh THAT shit. My boy likes to do "parkour" like the guy in Assassin's Creed. Except his version is struggling to get his flabby, low-muscle-tone carcass up onto a park bench before hesitantly jumping down so he doesn't injure himself. And when I poke fun at him, the wife intervenes (if she's in earshot).
 
 
 
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="MN5" data-cid="550646" data-time="1451948726">
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I had an awkward moment at after school pick ups a few months back. Oldest was hanging his head in shame and the convo went like this: 
Me: What's wrong mate? 
MN5 Jr: I hit someone.... 
Me: Why? 
MN5 Jr: Cos he tried to hit my brother........ 
He pointed at the kid who was a lot bigger than him and I was torn between pride and anger.....their mum is of the opinion that they need to go to the teacher when shit flares up, having been a small boy of the 80s in the school playground I realise this is often not an option. As an only child I really play up the whole 'I never had a brother, you guys need to watch out for eachother' and more often than not they do but my oldest is almost a Troy Flavell/Danny Grewcock type, he's sometimes not particularly sly, he'll go in all guns blazing and get caught by the teachers when often he is retaliating for an earlier ( unseen ) offence. 
You don't want your kids fighting but at the same time you don't want them being pussies and crying to the teacher. It's a complete and utter no win situation really.
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Fucking women and their "follow the rules" shit. They, better than anyone, should know that teachers get sick of whiny shit. And nothing sensible gets done about it anyway.
 
There is a kid at our school who annoys the boy, and when he was younger he'd pussy out and cry about it. Then one day at after school care, this little fluffybunny knocked the boy's ice block out of his hand so he choked said fluffybunny halfway to unconsciousness.
 
Fuck yeah.
 
The annoying bit is the kids just want to play, so they don't hold grudges against these fuckfaced little piston wristed gibbons. This whole "best way to beat a bully is not react, and just be nice".
 
No, woman: its to literally beat them. One hour of nice behaviour in the playground isn't going to mitigate that little twat's shitty home life.
 
I tell the kids to ignore it, then to tell the teacher if they won't leave you alone. If the teacher does nothing, or the kid comes back, go nuclear.

Hooroo

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Chaz" data-cid="550641" data-time="1451948329">
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They have asked why she needs to leave home.
We have said that she doesn't, she just needs to go to school or get a job, we are happy to do what parents should be doing & that she WANTS to leave.
 
Their reply was pretty much, Ahh... another teenager thinking she knows best & rebelling against authority & her parents.
 
At this stage no benefit, but she still believes that she is entitled to one & is now citing mental health issues (depression from having to do what her parents say).
There have been some rather scary threats that as a parent you never want to hear.
 
So she is currently leaving with the assumption that once she has left she will get what she wants.
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Please let us know the outcome. Sounds like a real nuisance.

Chazs Raiders

We have made a point of saying that the door is always open & that she will always be welcome to come home if she is prepared to follow a couple of simple rules.
I'm picking (hoping) that after a couple of months in the real world, she'll work out that having to follow a few rules really isn't that bad & be back at home with us paying for the course that she wants to do.
 
I'm pretty keen to know outcome as well.

MN5

[quote name="NTA" post="550658" timestamp="1451950483"]Oh THAT shit. My boy likes to do "parkour" like the guy in Assassin's Creed. Except his version is struggling to get his flabby, low-muscle-tone carcass up onto a park bench before hesitantly jumping down so he doesn't injure himself. And when I poke fun at him, the wife intervenes (if she's in earshot 
Good to know the Apple hasn't fallen too far from the tree then....

Virgil

Interesting and scary thread to read.
 
Im the father of 3 daughters..

MN5

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Virgil" data-cid="550667" data-time="1451952384">Interesting and scary thread to read. 
 
Im the father of 3 daughters..</blockquote>
 
.....and that's the scariest fucken thing on this thread

taniwharugby

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Chaz" data-cid="550664" data-time="1451951316">
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We have made a point of saying that the door is always open & that she will always be welcome to come home if she is prepared to follow a couple of simple rules.
I'm picking (hoping) that after a couple of months in the real world, she'll work out that having to follow a few rules really isn't that bad & be back at home with us paying for the course that she wants to do.
 
I'm pretty keen to know outcome as well.
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My brother was a bit like that, not quite as extreme by the sounds, but had a huge chip on his shoulder, felt my parents were always down on him, always did more for me, left home at 16/17, they still paid for his course he was doing in Auckland, plus board while at a friends house down there.
 
I intervened between my dad and him that was about to get physical one time, which ended in my dad pulling my brother and I apart, we all get on well now though.
 
I stayed at home until I was 23, I knew exactly what was good for me! My parents had me young, as it was they were only 41 when I finally left, so I couldn't leave the nest too early!

Virgil

It's ok I'm starting a page on 'give a little ' so I can afford important items such as gun racks, guns, bullets, shovel and alibis

Crazy Horse

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="antipodean" data-cid="550652" data-time="1451949139">
I'm a very permissive parent. I often say not to do something only to get stared at and then the behaviour continues right in front of me. But I console myself with the fact I'm raising a cat.</blockquote>
 
I hear you man. I am raising two cats. Back in my day cats were much better behaved. Now they have this sense of entitlement. You can't tell them a bloody thing.

NTA

You don't need guns virg - bladed weapons are where its at. Guns for show, knives for a pro. Don't believe me? Check this bloke out:
 
<img src="https://sonlightpicturesblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/pro01.jpg" alt="pro01.jpg">
 
 
 
 
<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="MN5" data-cid="550665" data-time="1451951386">
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Good to know the Apple hasn't fallen too far from the tree then....
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This from the bloke who can't even use the quote function...

Rancid Schnitzel

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Virgil" data-cid="550667" data-time="1451952384">
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Interesting and scary thread to read.
 
Im the father of 3 daughters..
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But that's no big deal right? Like NTA you pretty much have a vagina as well. :lol:

Virgil

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Rancid Schnitzel" data-cid="550688" data-time="1451955313">
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But that's no big deal right? Like NTA you pretty much have a vagina as well. :lol:
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One is my oldest, shes 20 and is currently staying for a few days only.
 
I have a 3 and 5 year old, and tbh sometimes it feels like i have 3 nagging wives..

Hooroo

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Virgil" data-cid="550691" data-time="1451955672">
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, and tbh sometimes it feels like i have 3 nagging wives..
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Straight to Facebook with the quote of the year so far.... :)

The Silver Fern

Modern Day Parenting