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@mariner4life don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m unhappy...I just am
Kind of, is this everything for the rest of my life?
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I went through that a while back to be honest.
Rut stuff. Work was work, and locked in. Wife was now a wife and mother. Rugby was done. I distinctly remember laying awake one night asking myself the very topic of this thread.
And I took stock, and realised there was nowhere i would rather be.
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Thats not meant to be advice to you, that's just what I did.
I got really unhappy with my home life a couple of years back. My best mate told me.to sack up and address it. I did, and it was the best thing I ever did.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
Thats not meant to be advice to you, that's just what I did.
I got really unhappy with my home life a couple of years back. My best mate told me.to sack up and address it. I did, and it was the best thing I ever did.
While noting that I'm still yet to contribute in any meaningful way to a thread I started, can I ask what you actually did to address it? Was it just a virtual uppercut and a change of attitude? Or some tangible changes (a dog and a Kamado Joe?)
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Nah, the wife's busy season had dragged from the usual 4 months to nearly 6. During said busy season i am damn near a solo parent for a huge amount of it. I was desperately unhappy at home.
And I told her. I told her the toll it took on me. Which isn't easy when she is the one working all hours. Missing the kids etc. But I did it because that was the first time I ever understood how affairs happen.
And it was for the better. Changes were made.
Fuck it took me a bit to suck up the courage to raise it.
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@mariner4life well done, I bet that took some courage
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@Kiwiwomble yep. Worth it though. Last couple of years have been way better.
I learned a lesson that day. Raising shit, no matter how tough, is of massive benefit. The conversation rarely goes the way it does when we run it through our heads 20 times first.
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
Nah, the wife's busy season had dragged from the usual 4 months to nearly 6. During said busy season i am damn near a solo parent for a huge amount of it. I was desperately unhappy at home.
And I told her. I told her the toll it took on me. Which isn't easy when she is the one working all hours. Missing the kids etc. But I did it because that was the first time I ever understood how affairs happen.
And it was for the better. Changes were made.
Fuck it took me a bit to suck up the courage to raise it.Going back a couple of years, the wife showed me this article about helping around the house and the positives it has for couples. "Fair enough, I'll take that on board" I said. And I have.
A while later I showed HER an article in relation to relationships being more equitable e.g. wife initiating a bit more affection (yes, sex, but also other intimate elements) instead of the husband constantly feeling the need and then getting knocked back and feeling like a kicked dog. The story was the same: husbands feeling ignored will end up looking for stimulus elsewhere - emotionally or sexually.
Anger, tears. "If you don't like it then leave!" and when I said I wasn't about to leave "Fine - if you don't have the balls I'LL leave"
Long story short it came down to her Mum, and the fact she wasn't dealing with it. Won't get counselling "why pay to cry for an hour?" etc.
All I can rely on is time, and scraps
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Not trying to be disrespectful but
I don't know how you.guys who aren't really happy at home do it. No matter the state of the day, I love coming home.
I have a couple of mates who cannot say the same, and I just don't know how they do it.
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@mariner4life think I just don’t have the courage to change anything and I know my life is actually good or at least better than a lot so don’t feel I can really complain
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I hate that equivalency shit "oh you should be happy, other people have it worse" no fuck that. Male mental health is an issue because of shit like this.
If some shit in your life isn't working for you, it needs to be addressed. That level of address won't always be the same, nor will the outcome. But, never be hesitant to work on yourself because society likes to tell you it's not a big deal.
Maybe you need to talk to someone to crystalise your thoughts? I know you year has been really fucked up so I'm not surprised your head is battling
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
I think there is enough happiness with other elements of the home life, to keep me going at this point. Until the old duck kicks it, I'm not in a position to evaluate "normal".
Yeah mate I understand.
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@mariner4life plus, after watching the bullshit divorce proceedings with the bro in law? Fuck that.
Mrs TA has commented a couple of times something like "... In the unlikely event we ever got divorced, I'd like to think it would be far more civilized than that."
I agree of course, outwardly, while thinking she doesn't understand the true meaning of "hell hath no furry like a woman scorned"
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It still amazes me people who divorce saying they have no feelings either way for the other person, spending the next few years dreaming up all sorts of stupid shit they say is to get even but really just creates pain for everyone else including themselves. I'd say I'd go into a divorce openly, fairly, and honestly but I bet everyone says that.
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@nostrildamus said in Happiness Scale:
It still amazes me people who divorce saying they have no feelings either way for the other person, spending the next few years dreaming up all sorts of stupid shit they say is to get even but really just creates pain for everyone else including themselves.
My ex behaved like that. I tried to keep my cool and behave reasonably in the hope she would see sense, we'd work something out and draw a line in the sand and move on.. She didn't and went the whole court route. It pretty much backfired on her and she ended up with way less than I had offered.
Worst 2 years of my life at the time, but in many ways some great stuff came out of it.
From what I hear, 12 years on, she's still bitter. I've got more important things in life to worry about.
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@nostrildamus said in Happiness Scale:
I'd say I'd go into a divorce openly, fairly, and honestly but I bet everyone says that.
Mrs M and her Ex managed that really well. So well in fact that the judge granting the divorce wanted to meet them to make sure there was no coercion going on.
Not really someone I've had a lot to do with or share a beer with, and Mrs M doesn't keep in contact much, but he's always been there when Mrs M has needed help with her parents and kids
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@mariner4life said in Happiness Scale:
I hate that equivalency shit "oh you should be happy, other people have it worse" no fuck that. Male mental health is an issue because of shit like this.
If some shit in your life isn't working for you, it needs to be addressed. That level of address won't always be the same, nor will the outcome. But, never be hesitant to work on yourself because society likes to tell you it's not a big deal.
Maybe you need to talk to someone to crystalise your thoughts? I know you year has been really fucked up so I'm not surprised your head is battling
Male mental health has been neglected for so long its almost criminal. There is not much support out there for men. DV support is based around them being the respondent, men often feel like they get screwed in the family court, they feel like they get screwed in divorce courts, are more likely to get longer prison sentences, are more likely to be portrayed as monsters rather than victims in the justice system and media, are more likely to die at work and more likely to kill themselves. Sometimes I wonder whether the lack of support drives some men to explode and commit horrible crimes.
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@Victor-Meldrew said in Happiness Scale:
@nostrildamus said in Happiness Scale:
It still amazes me people who divorce saying they have no feelings either way for the other person, spending the next few years dreaming up all sorts of stupid shit they say is to get even but really just creates pain for everyone else including themselves.
My ex behaved like that. I tried to keep my cool and behave reasonably in the hope she would see sense, we'd work something out and draw a line in the sand and move on.. She didn't and went the whole court route. It pretty much backfired on her and she ended up with way less than I had offered.
Worst 2 years of my life at the time, but in many ways some great stuff came out of it.
From what I hear, 12 years on, she's still bitter. I've got more important things in life to worry about.
Me, my other half and my parents are going to my ex wife’s sons ( aka my boys little brother ) 2nd birthday today. It will be awesome.
Forget bitterness, move on with life. We’re tied together by my boys but it works.
The only downside is the small fortune I have to pay in Xmas gifts.
Happiness Scale
